1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets. 2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still." 3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint. 4. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight. 5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet. 6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position. 7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!" 8. All day long your motto is, "Never again." 9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed. 10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"