Signs you drink to much

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    * You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

    * You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

    * Job interfering with your drinking.

    * Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

    * Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

    * The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

    * Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

    * 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

    * Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

    * You can focus better with one eye closed.

    * The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

    * You fall off the floor...

    * Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

    * Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

    * Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

    * At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

    * Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

    * The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

    * You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Pretzels

    * Roseanne looks good.

    * Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

    * That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.

    * Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

    * "I'm as jober as a sudge."

    * The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
     
  2. Timor

    Timor

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    How can you tell a forgetful drunk?


    Moldy shoes and a rusty zipper.
     

  3. Huaco Kid

    Huaco Kid

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    MMMmmmm..... beeeer!

    "Homer function doesn't beer well without."
     
  4. Pepiot

    Pepiot Yippee ki-yay...

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    Okie have we met before?:drunk:
     
  5. AnimalK

    AnimalK Kilted Muppet

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    You can't remember any details about the night before.


    Neither can the pig wearing your pants...
     
  6. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    We may have:supergrin:
     
  7. Vic777

    Vic777

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    I find that people who simply "talk" about drinking are alcoholics ...
    For instance if someone says something as innocent as, "After work I'm going for a "cold one"", that person is an alcoholic! People tend to talk about what interests them, if they talk about the liquids that they are going to pour down their throats, then that means they are interested in these liquids and looking forward to pouring these liquids down their throats. It's a sure "tell". (when they also start telling you about the liquids they poured down their throats the previous weekend ... you know this person is going to be a total bore/alcoholic). People who make their own wine/beer are alcoholics.
     
  8. eezzrdr

    eezzrdr

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    And your point is .....?
     
  9. 5madman2

    5madman2

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    My Favorite-

    You listen to your liver cry itself to sleep every night
     
  10. 5madman2

    5madman2

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    I tried going to AA for a while-kept getting 12 step mixed up with 12 pack.
     
  11. AnimalK

    AnimalK Kilted Muppet

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    Dood, don't crap on okie's thread.

    This is "The Lighter Side".

    Serious thread are for serious forum.

    Don't pontificate here.
     
  12. Navy HMC

    Navy HMC

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    For okie: a self administered "okie": :okie:

    For AnimalK: You are absolutely right! This is the lighter side and shold be treated as such.

    for Vic777: Nah, I an not an alcoholic: I don't have to go to meetings. :supergrin:

    And though I may knock back a cool one after work this does not make one as alcoholic...see I will go months between beers/wine/mixers. And a friend that makes his own wine does so with the intent to give away as gifts during the holidays-only touches the stuff to test the vintage, etc then spits it out to clense his palate for the next sample-folks understand a bottle of his personal vintage are going to be very good and are very appreciated. So sorry, your generalization doesn't wash.

    Sorry for the hijack, we now return you to your irregularly scheduled jokes and humor.:animlol: :banana: :animlol: