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Senator Kerry's Response

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Ulysses, Aug 20, 2004.

  1. Ulysses


    Likes Received:
    Feb 10, 2003
    A new joke from my boss. He is a quiet ardent
    democrat. I had to create a reply I sent back to him
    attached below. It seemed to surprise him.

    At Phoenix Sky Harbor airport yesterday, an individual
    later discovered to be a public school teacher was
    arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
    of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,
    and a calculator. At a morning press conference,
    Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the
    man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He
    is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
    math instruction.

    Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They
    desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
    sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
    value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
    refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
    determined they belong to a common denominator of the
    axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As
    the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there
    are 3 sides to every triangle'."

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
    said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
    math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
    and toes."

    My original Senator Kerry's reply is as follows to my boss, maybe former boss...

    Reporters asked Senator Kerry about the recent
    apprehension of an alleged possessor of instruments of
    Methematical Instruction. Senator Kerry commented he
    had been to Europe to the very site where the peaceful
    and respected ancients had begun the ancient sect of
    al-gebra. The Senator had been humbled at the vast
    history they observed. He had studied al-gebra and greek as a
    youth and even applied Archimedes principles on
    occasion when wearing his hunting hat and winning his
    purple hearts. He had the highest regard for those
    who practiced al-gebra in the true spirit the ancient
    greeks had intended. He had himself studied
    Archimedes and not abused the principles of al-gebra
    and created illegal instruments of math instruction,
    but rather used them to load and unload heavy objects
    from his boat while in vietnam and cambodia once Christmas.

    Senator Kerry expressed concern that america's
    children didn't have the proper funding to buy legal
    methods of math instruction and promised to increase
    education funding with specific mention to provide
    every teacher with an assistant to allow all the
    children in america to count more fingers and toes.
  2. Bill Powell

    Bill Powell Cross Member CLM

    Likes Received:
    Mar 10, 2002
    dallas, tx
    I'd hit him in the face with Pi, grab him by the radius, and march him square to the punishment circle. By God that would punish him.

    Last week my granddaughter tried to sneak a little pair of plastic scissors on a plane, and had them promptly taken away. Security people in Houston are on their toes, too.