When Van was just a youngster, he went to the chemist and asked the pharmacist, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?" The chemist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?" "Sure do. They keep you from getting venereal diseases." The chemist was impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the ribs are for?" Van paused and then answered, "Well, not really, but they sure do make the hair on my goat's back stand up!"