... your tongue has bees. ... the weather forecast is, raining gnats and hogs. ... workers in radiation suits are taping off your property. ... contractions send you into labor early, but youre a six year-old boy. ... every lie youve ever told was tattooed on your skin overnight. ... you woke up in Pauly Shores body. ... youve sprained your aura. ... the Scientologists are onto you. ... historians are writing you out. ... your ceiling has been replaced by a pulsating mass of flesh, and your family is already succumbing to the Hive Mind. ... you wake up in heaven, but God has no recollection of making you. ... you dont recall being a polydactyl. ... you finally contact your spirit guide. Its Tor Johnson. ... your ***** has relocated itself on someone else. ... that darn projectile leprosy is acting up again. ... your birthday bash pictures are ready at Walmart, and now youre wanted for questioning. ... your pets are wearing fedoras and planning a heist. ... the NSA has linked your computer to the al Qaida network. ... your new linguistics professor is Ozzy Osbourne. ... your colon has mastered the power of speech. ... coffee was declared illegal the previous night. (from www.davezilla.com) feel free to add.