reds tips for a happy marriage

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Jan 19, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

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    Aug 20, 2002
    Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage

    Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then
    comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

    I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I
    haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.
    Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I
    bought her an electric chair.

    My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the
    carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the Lake".

    She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
    The driver said, "No, jump in!".

    Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was ALWAYS!

    I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,