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Redneck medical terms

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jan 18, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Artery......................The study of paintings.
    Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
    Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
    Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
    Cat Scan.....................Searching for Kitty.
    Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
    Coma........................A punctuation mark.
    Dilate......................To live long.
    Enema.......................Not a friend.
    Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula......................A small lie.
    Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
    Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
    Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
    Node........................I knew it.
    Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
    Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
    Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
    Tablet......................A small table.
    Tumor.......................More than one.
    Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
    Varicose....................Near by
     
  2. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
    The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.

    The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.

    As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

    Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"
     

  3. sctusa

    sctusa Sasquatch

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    Hey Okie;
    ;C ;Y ;p
    Good Stuff