Isn't that an oxymoron? 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and the blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. Hmmm, now THIS is a thought. 3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself ! ; and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. This isn't EVEN funny. Er, uhm, nevermind. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. 6. Have a bad cough? Don't bother with taking cough medicine. Take a large dose of laxatives.You'll be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the tooth ache. 8. Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are...For instance, you need only two tools; WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move ! ; and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. 9. The eight most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right, my husband." 10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. BIKER'S #1 RULE 11. Never pass up an opportunity to potty. 12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!