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Red Neck Words of Wisdom

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by njoy4x4, Apr 14, 2005.

  1. njoy4x4


    Likes Received:
    Oct 31, 2004
    Isn't that an oxymoron?

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
    Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
    and the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
    vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
    while you chop away.

    Hmmm, now THIS is a thought.

    3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the
    toilet seat by simply using the sink.

    4. High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself ! ;
    and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in
    your veins.

    This isn't EVEN funny. Er, uhm, nevermind.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
    will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
    sleep when you hit the snooze button.

    6. Have a bad cough? Don't bother with taking cough
    medicine. Take a large dose of laxatives.You'll be
    afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a
    hammer and you will forget about the tooth ache.

    8. Sometimes we just need to remember what the
    rules of life really are...For instance, you need only
    two tools; WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move ! ;
    and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't,
    use the duct tape.

    9. The eight most essential words for a healthy, vital
    relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right,
    my husband."

    10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


    11. Never pass up an opportunity to potty.

    12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations!
    You have another chance!