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Reasons for missing work

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Gunrnr, Jun 21, 2003.

  1. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

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    Great Excuses For Not Going In To Work...


    If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

    When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

    I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday. I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly setting clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

    I prefer to remain an enigma.

    I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

    I have a rare case of 48 hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

    I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

    Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

    Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

    I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

    The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

    The dog swallowed my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

    My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart in order to give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

    I accidentally converted my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

    I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

    I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

    My stigmata are acting up.
     
  2. 4TS&W

    4TS&W 2A RKBA 4EVER

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    Do you really *NEED* a reason? .. and do you really *MISS* work?

    :)