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Real Corny Ones

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by rugbyguy, May 20, 2003.

  1. rugbyguy

    rugbyguy

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    Location:
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    1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
    you, but don't start anything."

    3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
    serve food in here."

    4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
    says, "A beer please...and one for the road."

    6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The
    ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

    7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this
    taste funny to you?"

    8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "It's not unusual."

    9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
    Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
    nothing to look at either.

    11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    One says, "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?"
    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this before.

    13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
    cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
    "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
    So, he picks the dog up, examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
    Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
    "What?! Just because he's cross-eyed?!?"
    "No, because he's really, really heavy!!"

    14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
    5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
    my mom or
    my dad...or, maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha
    Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

    15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
    find any.

    16. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 5 bucks that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the
    steaks are too high."

    17. A man regained consciousness in the hospital after a serious
    accident.
    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

    18. I went to a seafood disco rave last week..and pulled a mussel.

    19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a
    fire in the craft, it sank....proving once and for all that you
    can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    21. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    22. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

    23. A drunk walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says
     
  2. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    Oh yeah. Keep 'em coming.
     

  3. srhoades

    srhoades

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    1. Surely you've heard of Mahatma Ghandi. He's known for being a mystical, peacefully suberb being. Due to his beliefs he has never worn shoes. And also due to his beliefs, he's a vegetarian, so he's always been frail and suffers from halitosis. So what does that leave you with?

    A suberb calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis

    2. A newspaper was having a contest for whoever had the best pun. A guy sent his best 10 to win. No pun in ten did.

    3. Dr Smith won the coveted dentist of the year, all he got was a little plaque.

    4. A guy walks into the doctors office and is frantic, "Doc, I'm shrinking, I'm almost positive I'm shrinking!" The doc replies "Calm down, I going to need you to be a little patient."

    5. After an earthquake the mountain said to the hill "hey, it's not my fault"

    6. A dolphin accidently ran into a whale and said "Hey, I didn't do it on porpoise"

    And finally

    7. A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friars found it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran a floral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venus fly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so they just kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were no longer enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. It ate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, then raccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this and attempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One way or another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms of large animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired a professional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed the monastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them over to the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
     
  4. Trigariumrex

    Trigariumrex Millennium Member

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    Joined:
    Sep 17, 1999
    Location:
    Las Vegas, NV
    Oohh Corny ones i got some!

    A green olive and a black olive are walking down the street.. the black olive trips and falls... the green olive says are you gonna be okay... The black olive replies... olive.

    Two blind guys walk into a bar... they both end up with head injuries.

    Here's a short joke...

    joke

    Here's a long joke...

    JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.