Quick questin

Discussion in 'Cop Talk' started by KommieforniaGlocker, Apr 20, 2012.

  1. KommieforniaGlocker

    KommieforniaGlocker

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    How many of you been cheated on? And how did you find out? How did you handle it???

    Had a buddy come by distraught, his wife of 14 years 3 beautiful daughters, some body emailed him (anonymously) pics of her kissing (not peck) a dude (I am assuming a stripper) with her mouth open, like at a bachelorette party or something... He is in shock, I don't know if it has hit him... I didn't even know what to say to him, all I did was hear him, he was gonna confront her this evening.... But seems stuff like this is not uncommon... It appears that he has sought some kind of trust in me. But I don't know crap about this stuff.....

    What advice, suggestions, would you give? If you could do
    Something different what would it have been???..

    I am not a counselor I am not a judge I am nobody qualified in any capacity to discuss some issue but when some one confides in you what do you do?? Any advice....Anything anything I dont know what to tell him, I was just shocked too.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2012
  2. *ASH*

    *ASH* FURBANITE

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    I REAP what YOU sow
    first wife i never could prove it but thought it , i dumped her

    for you and friend DO NOT GET INVOLVED , ITS OK TO BE THERE FOR A FRIEND LIKE DOING THINGS, GETTING HIS MIND OFF IT , BUT DO NOT TALK ABOUT HIS WIFE . IT WILL BACKFIRE


    i lost 2 friends like that when i took sides , it took 10 years to get our friendship back after he learned i was right .

    again all i can say is

    be a friend
    listen
    do things for fun with him

    do not speak or talk about his situation if you want to keep said friend

    just tell him you are comfortable speaking on it , and its not your business .
     

  3. Yang332

    Yang332

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    I'm with Ash. Be there for him and don't get involved. You may go in deeper than you want.
     
  4. LilCop2002

    LilCop2002

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    Plus 1 to what the others posted.

    While I am in a similar situation as you, I threw out the idea that I am here to vent to and other than that, will stay neutral. I did, however, take him out to have a good time which took the mind off of it.

    Good luck
     
  5. greenman19

    greenman19

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    kissing a stripper isn't exactly cheating.
     
  6. NC Bullseye

    NC Bullseye

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    Neither is licking the inside of a urinal but I'd still want to know so I didn't get second hand mint scented breath.
     
  7. KommieforniaGlocker

    KommieforniaGlocker

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    Glad I did not say Anything or get involved Saturday I am grilling on the BBQ told him to come and bring his girls.... See if I can take his mind off I'll have some good meats and cold beer....Apparently his wife is in damage control, about how it's not as bad as it looks etc etc. She admitted to making out with the stripper although the pic pretty much was self-explanatory..... Oh well, just told him "Mi CASA tu CASA amigo" always open to you and your daughters... He is really ticked off, he threw his wife out of the bedroom and sent her down stairs to couch, telling her she is not worthy to share the marital bed with him.(didn't think he had that in him thinking the other dumb ass that is actually getting
    Involved is coaching him) He told another guy we are friends with he is an Elder in Adventist Church and looks like he is gonna get involved in a manner that will backfire on him... Aw hell, what are you gonna do??
     
  8. wprebeck

    wprebeck Have you seen me?

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    Mm..looks like heaven
    Umm..whatever you say. It's a shame how no one seems to have morals anymore.
     
  9. 4949shooter

    4949shooter

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    Wow this sucks Kommiefornia. I wish your friend the best. As the others have suggested, just be there for him.

    I am just curious though....why post this in Coptalk?
     
  10. scottydl

    scottydl

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    Being a friend he can talk to is good... but try to get him into some real counseling, either through church or a reputable private agency. That's likely the only way to heal the wounds thus far, and there are probably more under the surface that led to this photo coming to light. Husband and wife BOTH need to want to save the marriage to make it work, which they should want especially given their three kids. Divorce screws people up for generations, period. Everything should be done to avoid it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2012
  11. steveksux

    steveksux Massive Member

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    Those urinal mints aren't as minty as you might imagine...

    I understand the hurt and frustration. But if she had a little too much to drink at a friends bachelorette party and kissed the stripper, that's a stupid mistake, not nearly in the same ballpark as having an affair, as long as there was no cork soaking or worse involved. My opinion, no reason that has to apply in anyone else's situation. I would not throw away 14 years of marriage and mess up 3 kids over that. She goes in the doghouse for a while, apologizes, eats crow (et al) for a while for her penance and you move on.

    Some people would be highly offended by that behavior, nothing wrong with that, but someone with insecurities or abandonment issues could be masking their fear of losing that person with outrage over the behavior. Could be something else deeper being interpreted as excessive outrage.

    I think counseling would be an outstanding idea, to put this in perspective, expose any deeper underlying issues that may be affecting his response to this incident. If he still feels its a deal breaker, that's his right. Just think its always a bad idea to make important decisions while still feeling hurt/angry/betrayed. Let time take the edge off before doing anything drastic. He can still divorce her a month from now if he still feels that strongly about it then.

    But if he's going to stay, he HAS to put it behind him, forgive, and move on. If he can't do that, if he's going to bring this up all the time, throw it in her face at every opportunity, might as well throw in the towel. It's not going to ever be a healthy relationship.

    I would be HIGHLY against giving advice, as others have said. You don't know what's going on, you only have part of one side of the story. Be a sympathetic ear to let him vent, be supportive. If the other guy is egging him on, he's not doing him any favors.

    Getting some measure of revenge (short of going out and kissing a stripper of his own), putting her through some crap over this, to a degree, is understandable, feels good. Proves she's sorry and willing to put up with crap to make amends I suppose. Don't know if that's healthy, but a little bit is understandable. It can get out of hand really fast though, not a habit to get into.

    Randy
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2012
  12. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

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    It just keeps getting better, don't it?
    Not to make light of it but if that is what he has to worry about... he ain't got no worries. I had lived through way way way more drama than that in both my own life and the lives of my friends and acquaintances. Not sure if it is just the LA lifestyle or some people that I grew up with, but this ain't exactly uncommon, nor discouraged, sadly.

    While I am not discounting how he feels subjectively, in the big picture, okay, she kissed some random dude... **** happens... you are telling me that if you were in a strip joint with some hot ass young stripper named Destiny and she suddenly plants one on you, you would recoil in horror or would you go with it for a few?

    It's not the end of the world is all I am saying. Be a good friend. Let him vent. Talk to him about other things. Sit there and just give support. That's all you can do. Eventually it will work itself out.
     
  13. DaBigBR

    DaBigBR No Infidels!

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    Circling the wagons.
    You can DO THAT???
     
  14. KommieforniaGlocker

    KommieforniaGlocker

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    Dumb ass + IPhone + Fat Fingers = wrong thread area, my bad
     
  15. DScottHewitt

    DScottHewitt EMT-B

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    Advise him to let them drop?

    God, getting a little kissy at a bachelorette party?!?!?

    Seriously, that is NOT "cheating".....
     
  16. KommieforniaGlocker

    KommieforniaGlocker

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    He did, don't know how or what, I dont ask , just know what he tells me I am gonna feel him out later on when he comes over, I am gonna tell him he is better off getting some kind of counseling, not much I can do.

    Other dude he told thinks he is the unofficial third member of that marriage and took him down to see a lawyer...:faint: told him to stay out of it, oh well, alright dudes will follow up later need to check up on marinating meat, and get grill ready, looks like I am gonna need together more ice too, laters
     
  17. Morris

    Morris CLM

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    Be the quiet friend brother. Be there to let him vent and cry, drink some coffee with. But stay out of the quagmire from hell. Had a buddy at work go through some stuff and it damned near dragged me to a career ender.

    Better to be the good friend who can chat over coffee. If he is truly an SDA elder, the church has plenty of resources for couples, etc.
     
  18. 4949shooter

    4949shooter

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    No apology necessary my friend. I was just curious.
     
  19. opelwasp

    opelwasp ZOG/MORON LUBE

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    What part of "forsaking all others" do people not understand?
    If people do not want to act like they are married, then why get married? Why go through all the pomp and circumstance if it is not going to be honored? Just have a domestic partnership which allows for some freedom in the relationship. But don't advocate nor accept compromising the value of marriage just because it's a higher standard than you (proverbial) want to uphold. :steamed:
     
  20. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

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    It just keeps getting better, don't it?
    Because of societal pressure that a proper marriage is the right thing to do in the face of all evidence to the contrary and your mother and the female will exert undue pressure to get it done so they can tell their friends about it.