close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

"Questions that beg Asking"

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockdude1, Oct 22, 2002.

  1. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Messages:
    25,937
    Likes Received:
    5,355
    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    "Questions that beg asking"

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
    think I'll squeeze
    these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
    toast to a horrible
    crisp which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
    freezer?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
    song about him?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
    lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
    out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
    time, but don't
    point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom
    is?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
    fours? They're both dogs!

    What do you call male ballerinas?

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
    crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    Why is a person that handles your money called a
    "Broker"?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
    from vegetables,
    then what is baby oil made from?

    Why is it that when someone tells you that there are
    over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you
    there is wet paint
    somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
    from morons?

    Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
    mouse?

    Do illiterate people get the full "effect" of Alphabet Soup?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
    hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ***?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
    he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
    he sticks his head out the window?

    ;N
     
  2. Guest

    our freezer has a light in it....;)
     

  3. WayneH

    WayneH

    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2002
    Location:
    St Pete, FL
    Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

    Why is that small statue called a "bust" when it stops just below the neck?

    Why do our feet smell but our nose runs?

    Why do they call them APARTments?

    If a cowboy were to wear only one spur, would his horse run fast in a circle?
     
  4. jhfenton

    jhfenton Evil Marathoner

    Messages:
    503
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2002
    Location:
    Norwood, Ohio
    I didn't get the freezer one either. What freezer doesn't have a light in it? Maybe it's a bit out-dated?

    Not that I don't appreciate the other ones. :)
     
  5. pistolwhipped

    pistolwhipped ***FUBAR***

    Messages:
    517
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2000
    Location:
    Tampa, Florida
    Hmmmmmmm? You have me thinking.
     
  6. John's 26

    John's 26

    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    85
    Joined:
    May 27, 2002
    Location:
    Henderson NV
    If this structure is finished, why do they call it a buildING, shouldn't it be called a builT?

    ;)

    John
     
  7. allanc

    allanc "Inconceivable"

    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Location:
    Deep in the Heart of Texas
    Do you have to make an appointment to see a fortune teller or do they just know that you are coming?
     
  8. MEDIC1167

    MEDIC1167 Millennium Member

    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 1999
    Location:
    Northern CT
    Why do they put an expiration date on Sour Cream?
     
  9. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

    Messages:
    5,094
    Likes Received:
    33
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2002
    Location:
    State of Confusion
    If yogurt goes bad, how do you tell?
     
  10. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Messages:
    25,937
    Likes Received:
    5,355
    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    Why do croutons come in a sealed bag? It is just stale bread anyway........

    ;N
     
  11. Pinned&Recessed

    Pinned&Recessed 2LT

    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2002
    Location:
    Hicks Airfield, TX
    I forget where I read this:

    If con is the opposite of pro, isn't congress the opposite of progress?

    P&R
     
  12. ZM1911

    ZM1911

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    Location:
    SW OK
    LOL Those are great!!!
     
  13. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK Super Plump

    Messages:
    1,737
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2000
    Location:
    Northern Dakota
    "Questions that beg asking"

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
    think I'll squeeze
    these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

    If you're biblical, the Lord sorted out what was to be done early on. I don't remember any specific mention of milk from an animal, but I'm sure it was covered.

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
    toast to a horrible
    crisp which no decent human being would eat?

    The same reason why there are 10,000 watt amplifiers. You'll never use it, but the fact you can go there makes you feel all that much better. Think about this: If you had a toaster that made perfect toast in the MAX setting, after a few weeks fo use due to the aging of the metal heaters, you'd start losing heating ability. Plus, toasters aren;t precision machines, and have a wide tolerance on parts, going way above or way below reasonable will always result in a useable product.

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
    freezer?

    Because the filament would change rapidly from freezing to white hot, and visa versa. This would temper the metal the wrong way and you'd be buying a new bulb every month or so.

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
    song about him?

    Same reason there's a song about thongs. It doesn't take much to entertain people, and even less to entertain stupid people.

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
    lane?

    I don't know but with all the ridiculous laws out there, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some provision for it or not. It depends if you consider a dead person a "human being", maybe a human has- been.

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
    out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Cos their adventures in normal- life would suck, and they wouldnt get paid for that.

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
    time, but don't
    point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom
    is?

    Cos it's rude, and it can also insinuate a "need" for sex. pointing at yoru wrist won't convey any other message.

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
    fours? They're both dogs!

    Because goofy is an anthropomorphic creation, which tries to bridge the, uhh, gap between humans and animals, like those that exist in a child's mind.

    What do you call male ballerinas?

    Fags.

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
    crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    He had a credit card. He's in a lot of debt right now. Besides, hunters have a lot of money invested in gear, guns, licenses, etc, why not just go get in and out?

    Why is a person that handles your money called a
    "Broker"?

    That's self explanatory.

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    Quizzical doesn't have anything to do with a quizzes, as much as testes have to do with tests.

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
    from vegetables,
    then what is baby oil made from?

    Feti?

    Why is it that when someone tells you that there are
    over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you
    there is wet paint
    somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    Cos you can see the starts exist, but you can't see the degree of dryness of paint. Curiosity always gets us, that's why we have gone to space, to make sure the stars are there.

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
    from morons?

    Not quite...

    Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
    mouse?

    Operated by a dead guy who was made popular by drawing a mouse, yeah.

    Do illiterate people get the full "effect" of Alphabet Soup?

    If they're illiterate, what makes you think they knwo they bough alphabet soup in the first place?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
    hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ***?

    I don't know, we should ask the Kling-ons.

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
    he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
    he sticks his head out the window?

    That's cos dogs have cleaner mouths than we do, and they have a keener sense of smell. I think we smell like their **** smells to us.
     
  14. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Messages:
    25,937
    Likes Received:
    5,355
    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    Bravo WolfmanGK,

    Great addition to a good joke.......

    ;N
     
  15. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight

    Messages:
    4,832
    Likes Received:
    816
    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Location:
    Right behind you.
    Is the "HOKEY POKEY" really what it's all about?
     
  16. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

    Messages:
    5,094
    Likes Received:
    33
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2002
    Location:
    State of Confusion
    Alex, Hasn't the Hokey Pokey always been what life's always been about. I've always tried to Hokey Pokey as much as I can!
     
  17. Alex_Knight

    Alex_Knight

    Messages:
    4,832
    Likes Received:
    816
    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Location:
    Right behind you.
    I always can get my left foot in, but I can never get my left foot out.

    So as you can see. I never get to shake it all about.
     
  18. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

    Messages:
    5,094
    Likes Received:
    33
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2002
    Location:
    State of Confusion
    You just aren't living til you shake it all about.
     
  19. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Messages:
    25,937
    Likes Received:
    5,355
    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    If someone asks you " a penny for your thoughts", and you put in your 2 cents, what happens to the other penny??????

    ;N