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Question for the married guys

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Creatism, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. Creatism

    Creatism

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    Or guys in serious live in relationships.
    Ok so the other day I was listening to the radio and the djs were talking about guys and women (a fav topic amount djs here) and how guys "need" time when they get home to unwind and zone out before being "accosted" by their girlfriends or wife's.
    Now either I'm still to new into my marriage (second week married been together for the 2yrs living together for 18 months of that) and that's just not an issue, or I'm just weird. So I'm wondering if any guys, or gals for that matter, need down time before rejoining their house hold?


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  2. byf43

    byf43 NRA Endowment Life Member

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    I have a 'unique' situation.

    I've been married to the same woman for just about 25 years.
    I've known her for 38 years.
    I'm 58. She'll be 57, in December.

    Since January, 2003, she and I have been together. . . . 24 hours per day.
    We drive to work together.
    We work for the same company, and her office is 15 feet away from my office/shop.





    Yes, I need 15-30 minutes to 'wind down' after I get home.
    Our marriage has been 'tested'.


    ETA: As for being accosted, when you're young, that's great!!!
    (That's why we have so many kids!!!) :)
    When she reached menopause, being 'accosted' is not in jest. "The Change of Life" IS the change of life!!!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012

  3. Bilbo Bagins

    Bilbo Bagins Slacked jawed

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    Maybe it because my commute and job is not that bad, but I tend to wind down from work in the car on the way home.

    You are still a newbie. Wait until your wife pops out a couple of kids. There will be days when you walk into your home and you hit that Phil Specter "Wall of Sound" and pure chaos.
     
  4. TheNinja

    TheNinja

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    Both of you just need some space from time to time. My wife and I are social, but social only when we feel like it. We never feel obligated to go to any events untless WE feel, like it. We generally make decisions on things together, even if it only impacts one of us. Consequently, it's pretty rare that we are ever apart.

    Having said that, we both acknowledge that it's good to have a bit of alone time, when one goes shopping and the other stays home, etc. I haven't gotten her to go shooting with me yet, so range time on Sunday afternoons are a good example of some free time for me. I think she likes that as well, but in a good way.

    So, no, you're not weird. Well, at least based on your description, anyway. ;-)
     
  5. txgunguy

    txgunguy

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    I have a pretty stressful job. When I come home in the morning and haven't slept all night, the last thing I want is to be pounded with questions or requests.

    So yes, I want to unwind first.
     
  6. PhotoFeller

    PhotoFeller

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    My bride and I have been married for 45 years and I've never felt "accosted" or attacked. Beyond caring a lot for each other, mutual respect is probably the key to our relationship. We had to work like hell as a team to survive financially for the first 15 years; you learn a lot about each other under those circumstances. It also has helped that she has been comfortable with me taking the lead.
     
  7. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    Like all other things in nature, it depends.

    After a 2hr drive in slow-go traffic that was supposed to take 35min, on top of a physically active 13hr workday that started on the wrong side of your sleep cycle do you think you would need a few minutes to yourself before you were able to adequately and appropriately socially interact with someone else?

    Let's add to the mix that you last ate 16hrs ago, but during the course of your workday you got sunburnt, drank 3.5 liters of water and never got a chance to relieve yourself. Your boss yelled at you a couple of times, 5 miles from home you lost a headlight and got a warning. 1 mile from your home another cop gave you a fix it ticket for the same issue, and you discovered that your vehicle registration/inspection lapsed. He gave you a ticket for that too.

    Are you prepared walking thru the door to deal with human contact?
     
  8. Deanster

    Deanster Cheese? CLM Millennium Member

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    Most people need at least a little transition time between 'modes'.

    Guys coming home from work is just a very classic and common example of someone coming out of one mode (work), and entering the space of someone who has been in their mode for a while (mom at home).

    There's a powerful tendency of the person who has been doing one thing for a while to see the new arrival as an available resource to assist with what they're doing.

    it almost always works better to let the new arrival have a couple minutes to walk in, assess the situation, change into activity-appropriate clothes, go to the bathroom, and otherwise 'suit up' for the new situation before hitting them with a half-dozen items that make sense to you, but are likely to be out-of-context for them.
     
  9. Creatism

    Creatism

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    I guess because of my job, and my hours that I work I get that "transition with out even realizing it. I work 24 hour shifts and shift change is at 6 am, so I get home around 0630 or so, a good hour before everyone is up. I think because of this I don't really relate to the whole transition time thing.

    And as far as "doing our own thing" I get about an hour or 2 of that a day. I work out and she doesn't. So I'm at the gym, and she's sowing or doing what ever else she wants to do.


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  10. Deanster

    Deanster Cheese? CLM Millennium Member

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    yep, sounds like your schedule gives you built-in transition time.

    Many guys walk into the post-school, pre-dinner kinda chaotic mess of mom/kids after mom has been rustling them for a couple hours of homework, music lessons, karate, soccer, and is trying to get dinner ready...

    Suboptimal.

    :whistling:
     
  11. hockeyrcks9901

    hockeyrcks9901

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    I currently best my wife home by around 30 minutes. I use that time to unwind. On the rare days that she beats my home, I do tend to need some time before talking.
     
  12. glock_19guy1983

    glock_19guy1983

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    after 7 years and two kids I'll start a fight so I can get the silent treatment.:rofl:
     
  13. stolenphot0

    stolenphot0 RTF2 Addict

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    yes i need wind-down time too. My job was never stressful, but still I got so used to coming home for 6 years, taking 10 minutes, to change shoes/pants or something, grab a Dew and sit for a few minutes before getting my kids from the babysitter. Before kids I would have 1-2 hours before my wife got home. After my wife had to quit working, it was an adjustment getting used to her being home "all the time".

    One of my biggest pet peeves for my entire life has been not to meet me at the door when I just get home. My kids ignore that :rofl:
     
  14. Kawabuggy

    Kawabuggy

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    You are newly married. Trust me, there will come a time when you will want, and your marriage will need, time for you to "get your head" before she sets in on you about household, and/or marital issues after a long day at work.

    The best thing I can tell you now is to start some hobbies. Find some hobbies that the two of you can do together, but more importantly find something that you can do by yourself-away from the house-or with other male friends.

    If your wife is anything like mine, she expects that I am a plumber, electrician, car mechanic, counselor, errand guy, audio-visual repair man, cable guy, wireless phone guy, walking dictionary, walking encyclopedia.. The questions from my very inquisitive wife never end. I'll say she probably speaks more words before 7AM than I will use in an entire day. So yes, when she gets off from work, and comes home, she has saved up all of her questions, and all of her words, and wants me to hear them, and answer them, within the first 30 minutes of her getting home. A long day at work is NOTHING compared to trying to meet her on that emotional level. For women, sharing the events & happenings of their day is part of their emotional bond to you. It might seem like senseless, useless, drivel to you-but to them your attention, your care, your listening, your understanding is what they want. Keep that in mind. Marriage sometimes is like a 2nd job that is even harder than your normal day job. I can be 12 hours into a 14 hour day and face enumerable challenges and that is often easier than just sitting & listening to my wife share with me the "problems" she has with her coworkers.. Electrocuting my nads would be more fun. But, it's part of marriage, and it's what they need to feel connected to you.
     
  15. Batesmotel

    Batesmotel

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    Depends on the wife.

    Some days I work with my wife (same company) or we are working for our separate companies in our home offices. We can be together 24/7 for days on end. Some times we hardly see each other for a few days at a time because our schedules get out of sync. We always give each other space and time even in the same house. Seldom had a problem in 25 years. But we communicate very well.

    A friend, on the other hand always has a problem. The instant he walks in the door she slams him with all of the problems of the day. No time to even take off his coat. In fairness he does similar things to her but he is more passive-agressive where she is more frontal assault. They have major communication problems. No reading body language or deferred gratification. They demand everything NOW.

    Learn to communicate well and most things never become problems. If you both can discuss the issue of not being slammed instantly with the days problems as you come in the door, You can prevent it from happening.
     
  16. Bushflyr

    Bushflyr ʇno uıƃuɐɥ ʇsnɾ Millennium Member

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    Depends. We don't need any alone time before talking or hanging out. However, I do need a bit to relax before being hit with the freshly revised "honey do" list.
     
  17. Brucev

    Brucev

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    Re: OP. There simply is no hard and fast rule on this sort of thing. People are not all the same. They will all act/react differently depending on their own personality, the nature of their work, etc.
     
  18. Glock20 10mm

    Glock20 10mm Use Linux!

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    Yes... I need at least 30 minutes of alone time when I get home to get my head around helping with the baby and other home duties. But she doesn't respect it all the time then wonders why I get pissed and push her away. Then I explain it in plain simple English and she still doesn't respect it. Maybe one of these days she will.
     
  19. OctoberRust

    OctoberRust Anti-Federalist

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    I'm the more affectionate one of the relationship. I get home before she does, when she does it's usually a kiss, then not much more until we're cooking dinner, or around 8-9pm we get ready for bedtime things.
     
  20. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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    Nope. Don't need it. Never did. I either come home absolutely AOK to jump into the fray (3 kids and usually friends of theirs over) or I can't handle it minute one, hour one or night one. There is no in-between.