Question about socializing with other officers off-duty

Discussion in 'Cop Talk' started by IndyGunFreak, Oct 8, 2015.

  1. IndyGunFreak

    IndyGunFreak

    Messages:
    27,928
    Likes Received:
    3,805
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2001
    Location:
    Indiana
    I got to thinking about this today, figured here was as good a place to ask as any. First, let me preface this... I'm not exactly a social butterfly, and rarely associate with co-workers when I'm not working. Just not how I am. I don't do the Christmas Parties, New Years Parties, going to ball games, etc. About the only thing I do, is I usually go fishing with a couple of co-workers a few times a year (usually 2-3). Not a big trip, or anything like that... Just a local lake to relax. This isn't because I dislike any of the folks I work with, I'm just not much for socializing.

    In the paper recently, a local police officer pled guilty to a felony charge. He'll get no jail time, but he'll obviously be dismissed from the department. I don't know him well (certainly wouldn't call him a friend), but I did know of him. He comes from a family of cops, I'm guessing he hung out w/ cops off duty, etc. My question for those who've been in this position.. When a fellow officer is fired under circumstances like a felony, or maybe fired for a DUI.. Do you stop associating with these folks or do you continue to be friends with them, etc? I would think someone being fired under some circumstances (say, sex crimes, felonies involving integrity, etc.) most would probably cut contact. DUI and some other stuff might be a bit more ambiguous.
     
  2. Newcop761

    Newcop761 CLM

    Messages:
    4,703
    Likes Received:
    2,733
    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Location:
    In Existential Crisis
    Felony, sex crime, integrity, yeah pretty much.

    I don't see a first time DUI-alcohol getting fired without a lot of stupid involved.

    I don't socialize with people at work often at all. Maybe a Christmas party, or a choir practice 1-2 Xs a year. To busy with my family + activities.
     

  3. IndyGunFreak

    IndyGunFreak

    Messages:
    27,928
    Likes Received:
    3,805
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2001
    Location:
    Indiana
    Right, I understand a DUI not getting fired under most situations.. I was basically stating that the circumstances of that firing would be considerably different from the other situations I mentioned (sex crimes, integrity, etc.), Lets just say for the sake of argument however, he was DUI and hit a pole, which in many jurisdictions, makes it a felony,.. so he would be prohibited upon conviction or pleading guilty. Would you still "hang out" w/ this person (again, if you're the type of person that does this stuff).
     
  4. x_out86

    x_out86

    Messages:
    1,464
    Likes Received:
    210
    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2007
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    We are a very small agency overall, so we all know each other. My best friends are my 4 shift partners and we do lots of stuff together. Hunting, fishing, ball games, squad bbq's, etc. Hell, even our captain joins in with us on some of these things. We are too small of an agency to ignore each other off duty.

    With that being said, if you get fired (for whatever reason) you pretty much just fade away. Not like nobody will never talk to you again, but you just don't get invited to stuff anymore. See you in public and talk casual? Yes. Get invited up north to go bow hunting? No.

    I think a big reason for that is because if you mess up and get fired, it doesn't take long for everybody to know exactly what you did. I personally don't like to associate with guys who got fired because of crimes or even because of poor job performance. Not my crowd in the first place wether or not you wore a badge at one point.

    OWI around here will undoubtedly end your career.
     
  5. Sharkey

    Sharkey

    Messages:
    13,273
    Likes Received:
    10,679
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Location:
    DFW, TX
    I would say it depends on a lot of factors and a simple answer isn't recommended
     
    MSW likes this.
  6. collim1

    collim1

    Messages:
    13,862
    Likes Received:
    12,498
    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2005
    Location:
    USA
    I had to cut ties with a good friend a few years back. He was accused of having a pain pill addiction. Not sure what the truth is but i am not willing to be seen out with him.
     
  7. ChiefWPD

    ChiefWPD

    Messages:
    5,728
    Likes Received:
    5,453
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Probably the biggest, most problematic issues when socializing with other officers revolves around the use of alcohol. At least in my experience. Going out to the range or to a fishing trip is one thing, hanging out at the local watering hole with the guys while trying to impress the ladies with your "policeness" brings on a whole new dimension of trouble.
     
    MSW, seanmac45 and IndyGunFreak like this.
  8. Dukeboy01

    Dukeboy01 Pretty Ladies!

    Messages:
    4,295
    Likes Received:
    4,453
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2000
    Location:
    Lexington, KY
    In my experience, officers who get terminated tend to withdraw from associating with their former colleagues on their own.
     
    4949shooter, IndyGunFreak and Sharky7 like this.
  9. steveksux

    steveksux Massive Member

    Messages:
    24,739
    Likes Received:
    6,968
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2007
    I would think with the loss of your job due to criminal activity you also lose to at least some extent the respect of your former peers. Hard to be friends with someone you don't respect.

    And I'd think you would also feel some shame and embarrassment over it, feelings compounded by hanging out with your former colleagues who can't help but remind you of what could have been, as well as what actually was, both of which would tend to depress you.

    I think the well is somewhat tainted from both sides.

    Randy
     
    TBO and IndyGunFreak like this.
  10. ray9898

    ray9898

    Messages:
    17,453
    Likes Received:
    8,010
    Joined:
    May 29, 2001
    Location:
    Georgia
    From my experience it usually isn't a problem unless you are talking about a very close friendship type of relationship. Usually as each go their separate ways and the commonality diminishes the relationship fades anyway. Those who remain are wary of being around another who screwed up pretty seriously and the one who screwed up is wary over being around those still doing the job they once did.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
    IndyGunFreak likes this.
  11. seanmac45

    seanmac45 CLM

    Messages:
    10,210
    Likes Received:
    18,010
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Booze and broads and property. The dangerous trio.
     
    TBO and 4949shooter like this.
  12. 4949shooter

    4949shooter

    Messages:
    10,854
    Likes Received:
    1,683
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Location:
    New Jersey Republik
    Absolutely.
     
  13. 4949shooter

    4949shooter

    Messages:
    10,854
    Likes Received:
    1,683
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Location:
    New Jersey Republik
    I am a lot like you as far as socializing. I have a ton of friends on duty, but really no very close friends do I associate with off duty. I tend to keep to myself for the most part. But anyway...to answer your question...no, we don't see former fired coworkers hanging out with the current guys and gals. It just doesn't work.

    We don't even let them inside the stations if they try to stop in to say "Hi." But this rarely happens anyway.
     
  14. 4949shooter

    4949shooter

    Messages:
    10,854
    Likes Received:
    1,683
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Location:
    New Jersey Republik
    We say the three "W's"...Women, Weapons, and Whiskey will surely get you fired.
     
    seanmac45, IndyGunFreak and TBO like this.
  15. Ero-Sennin

    Ero-Sennin

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    29
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Location:
    Secret Redneck Burial Grounds
    For me, personally speaking. . .There are some current and some former officers I continue to associate with, and some I refuse to interact with at all beyond the bare minimum required by duty or etiquette (unfortunately, some are current...)

    My line is, and has always been, my private life is exactly that, PRIVATE. I will do nothing that brings discredit to the department or the city, per policy. Beyond that, it is no ones business but my own.

    So, while I am fortunate enough that our former officers whom I continue a friendship with are former due to internal issues rather than criminal charges... I say use your own compass. If their offense, whatever it may be, is something that makes you not want to associate with them, don't. If it is something that has zero impact on your world, carry on, so long as you are within city/county/state policy as written.
     
    Sharkey likes this.
  16. S.O.Interceptor

    S.O.Interceptor Khem-Adam

    Messages:
    2,408
    Likes Received:
    123
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2004
    Location:
    The Rock of Eternity
    It depends. It seem each agency and group of people is different.

    At my old agency, we were true friends, family. We worked together, hung out, went to movies, ate, on and off duty. And not just us cops, all of our families. If a member of the family was fired for something minor, or political, we treated them like nothing happened. We supported them and still hung out with them the same, minus on duty of course. But if they committed a felony, sexual crime, etc we completely disowned them. We erased their phone numbers and refused to speak with them.

    At my current agency, we don't associate at all. Not even a little. We barely associate and tolerate each other on duty. It's just how this agency is. It's a bunch of weirdos. I spend more time with my former coworkers than I do my current coworkers. We don't communicate with each other at all off duty, so when someone gets fired or quits, we don't even notice except for the work schedule. I had a coworker here that I associated with, who got fired for bull****. He was one of the only people I talked to. When he got fired, admin expected everyone to disown him, and they get upset if they hear mention of his name. They weren't happy when they found out I still spoke to him.
     
  17. Mtnfolk75

    Mtnfolk75 A Grouchy Old Half-Blind Fat Guy who limps .....

    Messages:
    586
    Likes Received:
    612
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Location:
    Greenhorn Mountain, CA
    My LEO career was with a 500+ Sworn Department, it seems socializing kinda followed what I found in my 8+ years in the US Navy. You do socialize with your squad mates but when you transfer to another assignment you again socialize with the new squad mates. It is not that you are not friends with your old squad mates, they just kinda drift away. I have a ton of friends from both my LEO and Navy careers, but being retired 15 years none are what I would still consider " Best Friends " .... :eek:)

    They will always be Brothers/Sisters in Arms and welcome in my life should the time come..
     
  18. Goldendog Redux

    Goldendog Redux Shut your mouth

    Messages:
    5,318
    Likes Received:
    185
    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2003
    Location:
    Nevada
    I do not socialize with anyone at work. I have great conversations with and appreciate some as work friends. When people leave a job, any job, for whatever reason, they are forgotten about. No one cares. If people were friends before the job, I suppose it could last. Friends come and go anyway

    If a guy does something really dumb/illegal I would not expect that person to get any love from his former compadres.