Quantas Squawk Log

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by hapuna, Apr 30, 2004.

  1. hapuna

    hapuna Trusted Member

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    I've seen this a few times before but its always fun!!!

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
    maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    P= The problem logged by the pilot
    S= The solution and action taken by the mechanics

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
  2. sopdan

    sopdan

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    All classics, my favorite one has always been the one with the midget. I've also got one for the "duh!" category that I saw squawked on a 172 I flew one day.

    P: Blue fluid on fuel drain under nose.
    S: Blue fluid is 100LL.
     

  3. Medpilot 2

    Medpilot 2 Smkumifyagotum

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    I thought Southwest has been accident free also. Unless you want to count the incident where they ran off the runway in Burbank.
     
  4. hapuna

    hapuna Trusted Member

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    That may be accurate but Quantas has been operating for a lot longer that SW which is a relatively new airline.

    Alaska is also accident free unless you want to count the crash off of LA!!;f
     
  5. Medpilot 2

    Medpilot 2 Smkumifyagotum

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    Was that the one involving the jack screw? That was a doosey.
     
  6. Wulfenite

    Wulfenite The King

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    I read the aftermath on that Alaska thing in Flying. I wonder what happened to the maintenance guy(s).
     
  7. hapuna

    hapuna Trusted Member

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    My understanding is that they created their own tool to measure the jack screw and it was not properly to specs. They used the tool and it checked out(or was very close depending on who you listen to).
     
  8. Wulfenite

    Wulfenite The King

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    Yeah, my understanding that the wear measurement was at the limit (not over - AT). But the limit was set based on how much wear would likely occur before the next scheduled inspection. Everything shoudl have been a-ok except for greasing this particular part was a real dirty PITA so the mechanic was either not doing it or not doing it properly. Improperly greased, wear on the part exceeded the expected value that the wear measurement was based on.

    Typical aviation accident though..... never 1 single factor that gets you. The mechanic was lazy. The inspector decided not to be a little pro active with a min spec part. The pilots decided make the return trip from mexico even though the trim was balky on the way down. When the trim failed with a bang near LA the plane was still controlable so the pilots elected to stay on track for SF rather than make a precautionary at LA.

    If any one of those links went the other way the accident wouldent have happened.