Process-Oriented God

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Sep 20, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    Process-Oriented God

    If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like

    In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was
    without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully
    balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic
    status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of
    self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.
    Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.

    And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement." And behold,
    the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that
    process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.
    And evening and morning were the second day.

    And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage
    in long-term planning." Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic
    differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third
    day. Although the question was never satisfactorily resolved, God thought
    the process was constructive.
    And evening and morning were the third day.

    And God said, "Let there be a retreat in which the committee can envision
    functional organization and engage in planning by objectives." The
    committee considered adjustment of priorities and consequential alternatives
    to program directions, and God saw that this was good. And God thought that
    it was even worth all of the coffee and donuts that he had to supply.
    And so ended the fourth day.

    And God said, "Let the committee be implemented with long-range planning and
    strategy." The committee considered guidelines and linkages and structural
    sensitivities, and alternatives and implemental models. And God saw that
    this was very democratic.
    And so would have ended the fifth day, except for the unintentional
    renewal of the debate about the differences between goals and objectives.

    On the sixth day the committee agreed on criteria for adjudicatory assessment
    and evaluation. This wasn't the agenda that God had planned. He wasn't able
    to attend, however, because he had to take the afternoon off to create day
    and night and heaven and earth and seas and plants and stars and trees and
    seasons and years and sun and moon and birds and fish and animals and human

    On the seventh day God rested and the committee submitted its
    recommendations. It turned out that the recommended forms for things were
    nearly identical to the way that God had created them; so the committee
    passed a resolution commending God for his implementation according to the
    guidelines. There was, however, some opinion expressed that people should
    have been created in the committee's image.

    And God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the committee . . .