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Posted on Craigs List

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by jmsfmtex, May 15, 2009.

  1. jmsfmtex


    Likes Received:
    May 6, 2004
    Canyon Lake, Texas
    Posted to Craig's List Personals:

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
    Downtown Savannah night before last.
    Date: 2009-04-01, 3:43AM EST

    I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
    hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
    You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

    I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
    I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
    you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
    evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

    You see, my girlfriend had
    just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas,
    and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
    Beautiful pistol, eh?

    It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
    your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
    walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
    flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you
    also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me.. I
    couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
    to mug us again.

    I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
    as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
    situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas
    station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy
    with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
    I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
    Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

    I threw the wallet
    in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the
    windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a
    bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your
    bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down
    the line, and I've o nly had the phone for a little over a day now, so
    I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
    permanently cut off your service.

    I could only get in two threatening
    phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy
    was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the

    I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
    making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
    reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so
    - Alex

    P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!
  2. 1sharpedge


    Likes Received:
    Dec 14, 2008
    I have seen this ad posted a couple of different times on other website over the past year, funny as s**t.

  3. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO