Politically correct "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by ERASER, Nov 16, 2003.


    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

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    Jan 23, 2000
    'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
    How to live in a world that's politically correct?
    His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
    "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves
    And labor conditions at the north pole
    Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul

    Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety
    Released to the wilds by the Humane Society
    And equal employment had made it quite clear
    That Santa had better not use just reindeer
    So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
    Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

    The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
    The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A
    And people had started to call for the cops
    When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops
    Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened
    His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened"

    And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows
    Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
    And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation
    Demanding millions in over-due compensation

    So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife
    Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life
    Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz
    Demanding from now on her title was Ms

    And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
    That making a choice could cause so much commotion
    Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
    Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her
    Nothing that might be construed to pollute
    Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot
    Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise
    Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys
    Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
    Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific

    No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth
    Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth
    And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden
    Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
    For they raised the hackles of those psychological
    Who claimed the only good gift was ecological

    No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
    Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt
    Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
    And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away

    So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
    He just could not figure out what to do next
    He tried to be merry, tried to be gay
    But you've got to be careful with that word today
    His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
    Nothing fully acceptable was to be found

    Something special was needed, a gift that he might
    Give to all without angering the left or the right
    A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision
    Each group of people, every religion;
    Every ethnicity, every hue
    Everyone, everywhere ... even you
    So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
    "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth"
  2. David_G17

    David_G17 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    Oct 7, 2002
    that wouldn't satisfy a certain "it's fun to blow stuff up" religion.

  3. Skyhook


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    Nov 4, 2002
    Sadly, I have to go with David_G-17, ERASER.

    I just got finished reading about the Muslim/Islam plans for those of us who are Christian or not in line with the jihadist views.

    Some bag of offal those people have in store for the rest of us!

    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

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    Jan 23, 2000
    I have it on good authority (one of the elves "ratted") that Santa's not bringing lumps of coal to those kinds of folks anymore. He's now a high-tech, 21st century kind of dude......coal has been replaced by a thermonuclear device.