Why do politicians envy ventriloquists? Because they can lie without moving their lips. What does a politician have in common with Jeffrey Dahmer? They both have skeletons in their closet. What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth? LIAR. What do you call a democrat that sleeps around? A breeding-heart liberal. If con is the opposite of pro then what is the opposite of progress? What do you get when you cross a corrupt politician with a corrupt lawyer? Chelsea. How does the IRS describe a day at work? Taxing.