"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun." "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it willhelp. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" "Just how big were those two beers?" "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but nowwe're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."