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Point System

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Gunrnr, Jan 28, 2003.

  1. Gunrnr

    Gunrnr Senior Goofoff Millennium Member

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    Location:
    Land of Enchantment
    For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

    Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Here is a guide to the points system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES
    You make the bed.............................................+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...-1
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..................-2
    You put the toilet seat down..................................0
    You leave the toilet seat up.................................-5
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............0
    You don't replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....-5
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.-10
    When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.........-20
    You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings....+5
    in the rain..................................................+8
    but return with beer.........................................-1
    and no panty liners.........................................-25
    You check out a suspicious noise at night....................+1
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........... 0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.........+5
    You pummel it with a six iron...............................+10
    It's her cat................................................-40

    AT THE PARTY
    You stay by her side the entire party........................0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
    chat with a school drinking buddy...........................-2
    Named Tiffany...............................................-5
    Tiffany is a dancer........................................-10
    With breast implants.......................................-20

    HER BIRTHDAY
    You remember her birthday...................................+1
    You buy a card and flowers..................................+2
    You take her out to dinner..................................+5
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.......+10
    Okay, it is a sports bar...................................-10
    And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-20
    It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face
    is painted the colors of your favorite team................-30

    A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
    Go with a pal.............................................. 0
    The pal is happily married................................ +1
    The pal is single.........................................-10
    He drives a Ferrari.......................................-20
    With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)..............-30

    A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
    You take her to a movie....................................+2
    You take her to a movie she likes..........................+5
    You take her to a movie you hate...........................+8
    You take her to a movie you like...........................-5
    It's called Death Cop III.................................-10
    Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................-20
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-30

    YOUR PHYSIQUE
    You develop a noticeable pot belly.........................-5
    You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get
    rid of it.................................................+10
    You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
    jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...........................-30
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."..........-100

    THE BIG QUESTION
    She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
    "Oh, No, Honey"...........................................+10
    You hesitate in responding................................-10
    You reply, "Where?".......................................-35
    You reply, "No, I think it's your ***"...................-100

    COMMUNICATION
    When she wants to talk about a problem:
    You listen, displaying a concerned expression..............+1
    You listen, for over 30 minutes............................+5
    You relate to her problem and share a similar
    experience................................................+50
    You have fallen asleep...................................-200

    ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
    You talk.................................................-100
    You don't talk...........................................-100
    You spend time with her..................................-100
    You don't spend time with her............................-100
    You are perceived to be enjoying yourself................-100
     
  2. emill911

    emill911

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    so true...always a no win situation
     

  3. David_G17

    David_G17 /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

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    you wake her up b/c you're laughing at another GT thread....-50