Please Define "high maintenance"

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by SouthernGal, May 7, 2007.

  1. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

    I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

    True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

    I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

    So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?
     
  2. jazzmanDK

    jazzmanDK

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    If you demand to be the center of our mutual universe, if you are an emotional black hole, if you are a financial black hole, then you are the quintessence of high maintenance. But after reading your 'resume' and your thoughts, I would classify you as Low Maintenance and Highly Desireable.

    Trouble is, I'm 72, and She Who Must Be Obeyed won't let me have another wife, (or girlfriend, even) dang it!

    Zip
     

  3. CCMO

    CCMO Error: PEBKAC

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    "A person who requires me to spend so much time and/or effort catering to that person's needs, desires (bad), and whims (worse) that I resent it."

    I'm not saying that my resentment is necessarily justified, as everyone has a different threshold. But once that level is exceeded and the resentment exists, the other person is "officialy" high maintenance. :rofl:

    If you're not expecting someone else to pay for it, getting a pedicure at your own expense is absolutely NOT a "high maintenance" activity in my book. I can only be HM if I'm requiring someone else to "support my extravagences."
     
  4. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    I guess I must have been raised to enjoy the finer things in life but to work my can off to have those things on my own. I sure as hell never expected another person to finance that type of lifestyle FOR me.

    Perhaps that's why I'm divorced :rofl:
     
  5. CCMO

    CCMO Error: PEBKAC

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    Absolutely, and more power to you! It sounds like you are about as far from "high maintenance" as it's possible to get. :hugs: I love the finer things too, but I finance them myself. Or not, depending on my budget... :animlol:
     
  6. EdTracker

    EdTracker GTDS Lifetime Member

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    I have always thought of maintenance as a time based function, not exactly money. How much time is required to make the other happy?

    Did someone say you were high maintenance?

    I would compare high versus low maintenance as owning a ducati with desmo valve train (say a 999S) to a toyota corolla.

    Put oil and gas in the Toyota and every 40 000 miles buy new tires, you are set. Drive for 180,000 miles before major problems begin. The car doesn't car whether you drive like a g-ma or shogun wannabe. Corolla is functional.

    The Ducati requires value adjustments every 6k, new tires every 3k miles (if you ride nice and not play hard), oil change, clutch adjustment... it can easily take every other weekend of your time if you ride hard every day. To be fair it gets easier once you know time-saver tricks and feeling for exactly when you need to adjust the valves. It all depends on how hard you ride. Ducati is sexy!

    High maintenance women want all your time and since time equates to money a large portion of that too.

    Can you find things that make you happy without anyone else? Can you entertain yourself without requiring someone else to listen and comment back?
     
  7. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    I do all the time (I have a dog, she doesn't comment back). It isn't that I don't enjoy the company of men or that I don't WANT a partner...need and want are two different things.
     
  8. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    Let's just hope "She Who Must Be Obeyed" didn't get the last good guy out there. :)
     
  9. Glockgirl26

    Glockgirl26

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    SouthernGal requires NO MAN to dance attendance on her. Not in financial ways, nor when it comes to time or attention.

    She said it best...big difference between want and need. Sure she likes nice things, what girl doesn't? She's also perfectly capable of providing herself with those things.

    Any man who doesn't think a girl should be interested in the girlie things here and there, should perhaps be looking for another man instead. Unless he's just another case of pot calling kettle and has his own habits to fund.

    ;)
     
  10. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark :supergrin:
     
  11. dgg9

    dgg9

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    HM = emotional neediness; need for constant reassurance; need to change plans all the time; finding a way to kink the guy's plans; "what are you thinking?" 100x a day; need to be phoned at work a lot; subtle manipulativeness; sometimes drama queen is one form.

    Usually, "HM" is not a term men use wrt finances, but rather time and emotional-neediness.

    It doesn't sound as if you are HM in the slightest, so by definition you must live 1,000 miles away from me (a zoning requirement, I think).

    ETA: one pernicious form of HM is the trick question, asked in order to elicit the "wrong answer" which then prompts either an argument of a reprimand, or designed to reveal your insentitive, selfish nature and then act hurt and put-upon ....such that conversation becomes a minefield.
     
  12. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    You're the SECOND guy who's said this same thing. The other guy who told me this said so in a PM (you know who you are if you're reading this).
     
  13. dgg9

    dgg9

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    One of the telling hallmarks of dating a HM woman is that you seem to be in arguments all the time, but you can never remember anything resembling a real reason, and in these arguments, you're always explaining/defending yourself.
     
  14. dgg9

    dgg9

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    Interesting...the subtle POV difference about what constitutes HM, between men and women here in this thread, and more widely in my general experience.

    Women see HM as defined in terms of materialism and looks-obsession, but men see HM in terms of neediness, controlling behavior, manipulation. For men, the concept of "gold digging" and "professional daters" is a distinct subset, separate from "high maintenance." ETA: men aren't too concerned about the first group, since they're easy to spot, and nowhere near as emotionally exhausting as the needy/controlling version of HM.
     
  15. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal What's Up Dox?

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    As I stated earlier...need and want are two different things.

    I want and enjoy the company of men, however, I only need a man for two things. Picking up heavy objects is the OTHER one.

    :supergrin:
     
  16. dgg9

    dgg9

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    Of course, if you have a lot of heavy objects lying around, you could still be HM...

    The starting point of the gender dating divide is that NO WOMAN thinks she is high maintenance, although of course many are.
     
  17. lcarreau

    lcarreau Reload Artist

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    Wow, its hard to believe someone would think SG high maintenance. To me, maintenance is the perceived effort that you have to put into maintaining the relationship. I say "perceived" because, often, in good relationships, you do a lot of things that don't seem like effort that might be considered effort if the relationship was not better. It is not just about money, though it could be a component in certain situations I suppose. A high maintenance woman is one that you have to do a lot of PITA stuff just to keep the relationship going. It could be in the form of spending lots of money or just always doing the stuff she likes to do, but that you hate doing. Sometimes one partner in a relationship wants more togather time than the other. Typically, the one that wants more togather time might be considered high maintenance by the other party.

    Just MHO.

    -Lonnie
     
  18. AZ DBLTRBL

    AZ DBLTRBL Out Of Order CLM

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    You are NOT high maintenance! You are a woman that takes responsibility for her life and handles her own....any man would be blessed to have such a well rounded, adjusted partner.
     
  19. Glockgirl26

    Glockgirl26

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    My best friend is high maintenance...is fully aware of it, and takes a lot of pride in it. In both ways, the financial / materialistic sense AND the emotional sense.
    :animlol:

    And believe me, SouthernGal is nothing like her.
     
  20. Larry J. Howard

    Larry J. Howard

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    I'm 58 years old so I've been around a bit. Based on how you describe yourself I'd have to opine you are Not high maintenance at all. In fact I'd say quite the contrary. Don't let low-browed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathers get you down. They (like the aliens in X-files), are out there )!