Pirate Pete walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey Pete, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.² "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I am fine now." "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle when I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I am fine, really." "So, what about that eye patch?" "Oh, one day, we were at sea and a flock of seagulls flew over, I looked up, and one of the bastards **** in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye from some bird ****." "Well it was my first day with this damn hook."