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Pickles Linked To Death

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jan 4, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death. Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.

    Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:

    1) 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.

    2) 98.9% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.

    3) 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.

    4) 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 6 months preceding the accident.

    5) 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.

    Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

    In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers continue to spread their evil. More than 120,000 acres of fertile US soil are devoted to growing pickles. Americans' per capita annual consumption is nearly four pounds.

    Alternative: Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has as many problems from eating orchid petal soup as one does with eating pickles.
     
  2. kf4zra

    kf4zra I miss ya Murph

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    we need to ban the pickle, for the children of course.

    but then we could issue concealed pickle permits. hmmmm, now thats an idea.

    John
     

  3. bayerta

    bayerta Former Marine

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    It has to be untrue. You can't grow pickles.;f
     
  4. HandyMan Hugh

    HandyMan Hugh NRA Life Member

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    Eating too many Gherkins, will pickkle your internal workins~1 ~1 ~2
     
  5. ldunin

    ldunin Patrol Division

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    I think the solution is to declare "WAR ON PICKLES". Outlaw those son's ob b*tches! We can institute PARE - Pickle Awareness and Resistance Education. Then we can enjoy Columbian druglords covertly growing and smuggling pickles into the country all they want. (They are more addictive then crack, you know)
     
  6. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    I don't care if pickles kill or not I am still gonna eat them;P ;f