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Parents, am I out of touch or what?

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Mrs. VR, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    Our almost 12 year old daughter wants to go wander around the mall for three hours with a group of friends and no grown up. I said not only no, but HECK no. She didn't get too upset, so I'm thinking she knows this was pushing it, but she did tell me recently that I need to give her a little bit of a "longer leash" and that I am stricter than other moms about some things. I told her it's because I actually like her and would like to keep her around. :miff:
     
  2. Lone Wolf8634

    Lone Wolf8634 :):

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    Nope. Kids being on a longer leash is what gets most of them into trouble.

    IMHO most kids nowadays need to be on quite a bit shorter leash.
     

  3. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    You know, it was a semi fair statement for her to make, and I thought it was mature of her to approach it with me that way if it was bothering her. Didn't change how I feel about things, but I can see that she's growing up and ready for more responsibility and freedoms. That said, I figure it's my job to get them to 18 in one piece, and I'm going to do my best to do that!
     
  4. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    My kid was not allowed to go wander at the mall until he was sixteen. And by wander, I mean mom and dad were shopping, and he was off on his own @ Best Buy, etc, with an agreed upon liaison point & time.

    'Drew
     
  5. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    Yeah, I let our son do this the other day, and he's 14, and he was only allowed to go to ONE PLACE and STAY THERE. I just don't like to see wandering "gangs" of unsupervised kids roaming around. To me, that's asking for trouble. And yes, especially for girls. There, I said it.
     
  6. rohanreginald

    rohanreginald Novice

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    Alway's supervise! Kids need their parents. I wished mine were around more to keep me out of trouble.
     
  7. DrMaxit

    DrMaxit Dirtbag Airman

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    I don't think you were wrong for that Mrs VR. But I will add that when I was that age I could go anywhere my bike could take me, and it often took me very far such as down town, the mall, up town, around town, LoL.

    I always thought my mom was strict because I had to "check in" before dark and usually could go out again after dinner so long as it wasn't a school night.

    These are different times though for sure and I don't think I'd let my12 yr old daughter out by herself unless I lived in a smaller place or she was with a big group and I knew everyone there.
     
  8. bocephus549

    bocephus549 Bo Knows.......

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    You're very much in touch.
     
  9. DRZ

    DRZ

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    Ditto.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2010
  10. Mrs. G26Duck

    Mrs. G26Duck

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    Offer a compromise. You are at the mall at the same time, both of you have cell phones. She can "hang with her friends", you are available in case of an issue. Make sure she understands this is only for special occasions; you are not gonna spend every available minute at the mall so she can hang with friends. It is NOT safe for her to just hang out without an available adult at her age. Maybe coordinate with some other trusted parents.
    In a few more years, obviously, the standards/rules will change. But right now, she is just too young and too vulnerable.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2010
  11. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    This is actually almost what I agreed to. We have conflicting plans to celebrate her little brothers bday at the same time (rescheduled due to snow last week), so I told her that IF we got finished on time, I would take her, but I was STAYING with them. I don't mind hanging back a bit.
     
  12. Spiffums

    Spiffums I.C.P.

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    Im 37 and Im still not allowed to wander around the mall by myself. I have either my twin sister or my GF in tow when Im at the enclosed shopping compound.
     
  13. 1911coltfan

    1911coltfan

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    keep the leash as short as possible.
    I know from experience,I was asingle father moved my son to be raised by my sister when he was 6. At age 11 going on 12 I decided it was time for him to come live with me,granted he was an honors and A+ average kid because my sister kept him on such a short leash like a drill sargeant.
    Lets just put it this way before his 14th birthday his grades were a mess and his attendance was shot to hell, so do as you want but Id say the shorter the better. Im the type that believes in freedom thats how I was brought up but seems like times are changed

    Alan
     
  14. kestrou

    kestrou Pin Member #4

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    I'm not sure what you're worried about - I'm sure Gecko45 is "watching over them like a g*d" ! :)

    ketrou
     
  15. jdavionic

    jdavionic NRA Member

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    I have 2 daughters...and no, you're not out touch. Mine just turned 16 and 14. The 14 yr old still is not allowed to go about the mall on her own. And the 16 yr old can, but she must have someone with her and her cell...and I'm usually there in the mall elsewhere (unless another parent took her). Fortunately both my girls are very active in sports and hardly go to the mall.

    There are some sick people out there that solely prey on children. To me, they are the worst of the worst criminals. And it's not limited to girls being victims. True story. My nephew met a "buddy" via the internet. They were going to meet at the mall. His internet buddy was a 16 yr old and the nephew was 15. He asked his mom to take him there. As she's driving, she is asking questions - who is this? where did you meet him? etc. She gets upset when she learns the facts.

    She turns around. Long story...the 16 yr old "buddy" turns out to be a 20 something yr old, convicted child molestor. He is arrested and hopefully still in jail.

    You can never be too safe or ask too many questions. Your job is not to be your child's best friend. Your job is to be their parent. It sometimes means you do things that they don't like. And you will certainly hear..."but Mom, [insert name here's] parents let her..." My kids don't even bother with that anymore. They know the response.

    Good luck.
     
  16. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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    Well. . . .

    I'm 41. At 11, I was able to roam the mall alone during Christmas to shop for gifts by myself. Mom was always at Jordan Marsh or something, but I had free reign of the rest of the place. Alone.

    I know there are no more nuts than there were 30 years ago. . .

    But HELL NO! The nut factor is somewhat in my mind, but the gang-violence thing (rampant in local malls here) is high and the "***-wipe teens that go to malls" factor is MEGA-high.

    I trust my daughter, I don't trust the other 12-18 yr old dirtbags that wander malls. They are private property and people (read: teens with nothing to do) should be rousted out of there on a regular basis. It wouldn't affect sales and would make it a more pleasant place to be.
     
  17. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    Now she's NEVER gonna be allowed out of the house again!! :rofl:

    Jdavionic, that's a VERY SCARY STORY! Ugh. I'm glad your nephew had a mom who bothered to CHECK. Wow.
     
  18. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    See, I was never allowed to go to the mall by myself until I worked there. There were a couple of sisters abducted on their way to the mall when I was little, and that was that. (if you're interested : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyon_sisters) I do realize that the vast majority of people are not predators, but why take an unnecessary risk? We do live in an urban area, and there ARE gangs here. It's just not ok with me.
     
  19. hatidua

    hatidua

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    Honest, to goodness, Forget the mall: send your kid back to school. -the grammar he/she it getting at home is lacking/
     
  20. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    oh lordy. I made a typo and a half. :rofl: That's what I get for multi tasking.