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PA Miners to be Returned to Collapsed Mine

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Mauler362ndFG, Aug 13, 2002.

  1. Mauler362ndFG

    Mauler362ndFG Check Your 6

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    *****NEWS FLASH*****

    Washington, D.C.

    A Senate Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have announced that the rescue of the Pennsylvania coal miners has been
    cancelled, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Conmmittee, be placed back in the mine.

    The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:

    10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for possible air pollution.

    9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was polluted, or providing an
    environmentally safe catchment area for the water.

    8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without first performing an Environmental Impact study.

    7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the rescue workers.

    6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to "Thank God" during a live television broadcast of the rescue, violating the separation of church
    and state.

    5. Several people at this public, government supported, rescue mentioned praying.

    4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of American society.

    3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given sufficient time to make speeches at
    the site.

    2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any Republican office holder owned stock in the coal company, thus being
    responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.

    And Number 1. No one mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.

    "Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and politically correct manner", the
    Committee noted.
     
  2. Dogman

    Dogman Getting Senior

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    Now there are three sure things in this world: Death, taxes and unwaivering, unyielding, blindly stupid petty political hatred.

    Dumb *** Republican Bastard.
     

  3. Mauler362ndFG

    Mauler362ndFG Check Your 6

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    Dogman, thank you for the compliment, you've made my day.;f
     
  4. reptiman

    reptiman Go Ducks

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    I just wanted to mention that I heard that there was a 10th miner that was supposed to be there, but he took the day off to go to Ozzfest.

    That's cool that he missed being trapped, but he also missed out on the $150,000 that Disney paid each miner for their story.

    Now That's Funny (in an off-the-wall sort of way)


    Oh yeah, the original post was funny as heck!