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Ordering a Pizza in 2010

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by vafish, Dec 22, 2003.

  1. vafish

    vafish

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    Location:
    Commonwealth of Virginia
    "Pizza Hut. May I have your... "
    Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."


    Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

    Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
    6102049998-45-54610."

    Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"

    Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

    Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

    Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your all-meat Special pizzas..."

    Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

    Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

    Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

    Customer: "What do you recommend, then?"

    Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

    Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

    Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

    Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"

    Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir.
    The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99."

    Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

    Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
    Your credit card balance is over its limit."

    Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

    Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

    Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready."
    How long will it take?"

    Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes."
    Sir, if you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

    Customer: "How do you know I'm riding a bike?"

    Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it."

    Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"

    Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July
    2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."

    Customer: (Speechless)

    Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

    Customer: "No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."

    Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."