1. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 2. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 3. Im not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! 4. He who laughs last thinks slowest! 5. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 6. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 7. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 8. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 9. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 10. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. 11. Dont take life too seriously, you wont get out alive anyway. 12. I dont suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 13. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. 14. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. 15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 16. When theres a will, I want to be in it. 17. Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? 18. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. 19. Im as confused as a baby in a topless bar. 20. All generalizations are false, including this one. 21. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 22. Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy. 23. 90% of all statistics are made up. 24. A fanatic is one who cant change his mind and wont change the subject. 25. Every time Ive built character, Ive regretted it. 26. Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide? 27. If the shoe fits, buy it. - Imelda Marcos 28. You cant have everything. Where would you put it? 29. Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. 30. Some days youre the dog, some days youre the hydrant.