One Liner - Part 1

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Ranger.357, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. Ranger.357

    Ranger.357

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    WA State
    1. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
    2. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
    3. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
    4. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
    5. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
    6. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
    7. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
    8. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
    9. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
    10. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
    11. Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive anyway.
    12. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
    13. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
    14. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
    15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    16. When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
    17. Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?
    18. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
    19. I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
    20. All generalizations are false, including this one.
    21. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
    22. “Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.
    23. 90% of all statistics are made up.
    24. A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
    25. Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.
    26. Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
    27. “If the shoe fits, buy it.” - Imelda Marcos
    28. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
    29. “Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
    30. Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.