Old men in the shooting sports

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by TGT, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. TGT

    TGT They call me "The Chef". Fruit salad my specialty.

    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    2,062
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Texas
    Old men in the shooting sports;

    A 90-year-old man was bragging to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who went hunting one day. But in a hurry he grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. He saw a beaver sitting beside the stream, raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
    The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
    The doctor replied, "My point exactly."




    .
    Clueless daughter;

    A daughter asks, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't quite understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
    To which her Dad replies: "You tell your boyfriend, that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."
     
  2. TGT

    TGT They call me "The Chef". Fruit salad my specialty.

    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    2,062
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Texas
    Anybody else have a joke to offer us for giggles on a Friday night? Let's hear what you've got. :D
     
    agtman likes this.

  3. unit1069

    unit1069

    Messages:
    9,755
    Likes Received:
    1,907
    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Location:
    So. Central US
    A horse walks into a bar ...
     
    TGT and FullClip like this.
  4. FullClip

    FullClip Native Mainiac CLM

    Messages:
    11,433
    Likes Received:
    31,352
    Joined:
    May 24, 2004
    Location:
    On The Lake in The Maine Woods
    with a Rabbi, a parrot and a monkey on it's back.....
     
    TGT likes this.
  5. Collo Rosso

    Collo Rosso

    Messages:
    1,788
    Likes Received:
    1,451
    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2009
    Location:
    Upstate S.C.
    Why do blondes wear panties? Keep their ankles warm...
     
    stuckon9mm, flyover, OGW and 3 others like this.
  6. itisbruno

    itisbruno Devious Member CLM

    Messages:
    40,378
    Likes Received:
    42,529
    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Location:
    Raccoon City
    I went for a lovely walk with a beautiful woman this morning












    Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.
     
  7. Timber Ghost

    Timber Ghost

    Messages:
    218
    Likes Received:
    342
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Location:
    Southcentral L.A. I mean P.A.
    What do an Amish woman and a hockey team have in common?




    They all shower after the third period.
     
    glock_collector likes this.
  8. kwo

    kwo

    Messages:
    1,943
    Likes Received:
    2,637
    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2017
    The old parrot says the Lords prayer when you pull his left leg and the ten commandants when you pull his right leg. What happens when pull both the parrot says I fall on my ass stupid.
     
    TGT likes this.
  9. DonD

    DonD

    Messages:
    10,111
    Likes Received:
    14,247
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2001
    Location:
    Central TX
    Latest episode of Shooting USA covered the Camp Perry matches.

    A guy who had competed 19 times prior won! How's that for persistence as well as skill? Don
     
  10. agtman

    agtman 10mm Philosopher

    Messages:
    4,825
    Likes Received:
    3,363
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Location:
    Midwest
    :animlol:

    image.jpg

    :rofl:
     
  11. F106 Fan

    F106 Fan

    Messages:
    9,572
    Likes Received:
    1,968
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2011
  12. Benchrst

    Benchrst Ban Hamster

    Messages:
    5,580
    Likes Received:
    12,109
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2016
    Location:
    Sidi Driss
    Aren't you supposed to hasslin' @G30SF/F-250 ?
     
    G30SF/F-250 likes this.
  13. OGW

    OGW SAF

    Messages:
    9,606
    Likes Received:
    16,195
    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    N.W. Lower Michigan
    Wrasslin', not hasslin'........
     
    G30SF/F-250 and Benchrst like this.
  14. Benchrst

    Benchrst Ban Hamster

    Messages:
    5,580
    Likes Received:
    12,109
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2016
    Location:
    Sidi Driss
    He needs some good hasslin', witty retort expected :)
     
    G30SF/F-250 and OGW like this.
  15. Victor Dubya

    Victor Dubya The Kindly Curmudgeon

    Messages:
    2,685
    Likes Received:
    4,140
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Location:
    NW WI
    A very obscene, dirty joke when I was a very little kid. My how times have changed.

    EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it. Betty Grable is standing on the corner with a hat on. THAT'S ALL! THAT'S ALL!

    OK, everyone can stop laughing now.

    Another one.

    What happened to the lady that backed into an airplane propeller?

    Are you ready for this? Disaster.

    This one would get your mouth washed out with soap.
     
    pizza_pablo likes this.
  16. OGW

    OGW SAF

    Messages:
    9,606
    Likes Received:
    16,195
    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    N.W. Lower Michigan
    The Indians kicked Columbus in the ass for telling those.
     
  17. Beendare

    Beendare Stick and String, SME, NRA life member

    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    286
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2017
    Location:
    out west
    A tad long, ‘Redneck engineer’


    The toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem.


    The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution, on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.


    They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.


    With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.


    Puzzled, the CEO travelled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin.


    He asked the line supervisor what that was about. "Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang!"
     
  18. Benchrst

    Benchrst Ban Hamster

    Messages:
    5,580
    Likes Received:
    12,109
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2016
    Location:
    Sidi Driss
    Fine...

    Two brothers, 7 & 9, are playing in their room one morning.
    The oldest says "We're old enough to start cussin'"
    His brother responds "Yeah we are!"
    Oldest "I'll say hell, you say ass"

    Just then their mother calls them down for breakfast, they run downstairs and sit at the eating bar. Looking at the older brother she asks "what would you like for breakfast?", "aw hell, give me some Cheerios". She slaps him off the bar stool, he hits the floor and runs upstairs crying. "And what would you like" she asked the youngest, "I don't know but you can bet your ass it ain't Cheerios".

    Please, contain your applause :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
  19. OGW

    OGW SAF

    Messages:
    9,606
    Likes Received:
    16,195
    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    N.W. Lower Michigan
    You need to haul over to the beer thread....
     
  20. Benchrst

    Benchrst Ban Hamster

    Messages:
    5,580
    Likes Received:
    12,109
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2016
    Location:
    Sidi Driss
    But I'm drinking Jager :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019