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Old Folks

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Uncle Strut, Jul 16, 2002.

  1. Uncle Strut

    Uncle Strut Low Post Count

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    There is a merry family gathering with all generations around the table. The little children (naughty little rascals) smuggle a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink.
    After a while, Grandpa excuses himself because he has to go to the bathroom.

    When he returns, however, his trousers are wet all over.
    "What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children. "Well," he answers, "I had to go to the bathroom. I took it out, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!"

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    An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was! ready to close for the night. "You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.

    "Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks. "We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"

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    An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.

    She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's gd cold in here!!" Everyone turned to look at her, she ran out of the church in total embarrassment!

    All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began, the parrot squawked, looked around and loudly proclaimed, "It's gd cold in here"!! And again the woman ran from the church.

    The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner. Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the following solution: "If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times and return him to your shoulder." "That'll work?"; asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the owner.

    So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "t's gd cold in here!!" Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 or 6 times and placed him back on her shoulder. The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty damn windy, too!"
     
  2. Uncle Strut

    Uncle Strut Low Post Count

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    Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away.

    Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

    About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to take a dump!"
     

  3. AC37

    AC37 SystemicAnomaly

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    LOL!!! ;f ;a