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old fashioned, no frills flying

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by potshot, Mar 23, 2005.

  1. potshot


    Likes Received:
    Mar 31, 2002
    If you are traveling soon, consider Menno Air, da no-frills airline.
    You're all in da same boat on Menno Air, vhere flying is an uplifting
    experience. Der is no First Class on any Menno Air flight. Meals are
    potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad, 16-21 a main
    dish, and 22-30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of
    da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All
    fares are by freevill offering and da plane vill not land until da
    budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acqvuaint
    you vith da safety system aboard dis Menno Air 599.

    Okay den, listen up: I'm only gonna say dis yust once. In da event of a
    sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised
    and so vill Captain Wiebe and Co-captain Harms because ve fly right
    around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure vould probably indicate da
    Second Coming or something of dat nature, and I vouldn't bother with
    dose little masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to
    worry about den dat. Yust stuff dose back up in der little holes. Probably
    da masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest vith ya, ve're
    going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet...sort of like driving across
    a plowed field, but after a vhile ya get used to it.

    In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da
    Lord's Prayer and yust hope ya get to da part about forgive us our
    sins as ve forgive dose who sin against us, vhich some people say
    "trespass against us," vhich isn't right, but vat can ya do?

    Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because
    dey may interfere vith the plane's navigational system, vhich is seat
    of da pants all da vay... no, it's because cell phones are a pain in
    the vazoo and if God meant ya to use a cell phone, He vould have put your
    mouth on da side of your head.

    Ve're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style vith
    the coffee pot up front. Den ve have da hymn sing... hymnals in da
    seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours vith you vhen ya go or I
    am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

    Right now I'll say Grace..."Come Lord Jesus be our guest and let
    dese gifts to us be blest. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may ve land in
    Reedley or pretty close. Amen".;f