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Ola And Lena (and Lars)

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Jun 27, 2003.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

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    Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"

    "Just a minute," said the busy clerk.

    "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."

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    The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support.

    He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support."

    "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."

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    Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"

    "No, I don't," said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.

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    Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"

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    Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working."

    Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."

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    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

    Giggling, Lena said,"Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to."

    So Ole drove to Duluth.

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    "Hey, Sven," said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?"

    After Sven replied, "I don't know,"

    Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow."

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    Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.

    "Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?

    No," replied Lars.

    "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"

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    Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.

    "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."

    "How come," asked Lars?

    "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."

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    Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

    Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian.and my name isn't Valter."