The Cowboy Rules *Never ask a man the size of his spread. *Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. *After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. *If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'. *Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. *It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. *When dealin' with a slick son of a *****, start off by pinnin' him down and changin' his oil. *Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. *Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. *If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. *Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. *Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. *Always drink upstream from the herd. *Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly. *If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. *When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. *The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it. *There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. *When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. *Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back. *Take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was. *The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. *A smart *** just don't fit in a saddle. *Never miss a good chance to shut up.