OK, Joe. A joke it is

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by pesticidal, Oct 19, 2002.

  1. pesticidal

    pesticidal Eh? CLM

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    Jun 5, 2002
    North Dakota
    The Cowboy Rules

    *Never ask a man the size of his spread.

    *Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

    *After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

    *If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

    *Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

    *It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

    *When dealin' with a slick son of a *****, start off by pinnin' him down and changin' his oil.

    *Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

    *Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

    *If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

    *Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

    *Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

    *Always drink upstream from the herd.

    *Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

    *If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

    *When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

    *The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.

    *There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

    *When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

    *Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

    *Take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

    *The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

    *A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.

    *Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  2. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. CLM

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    Feb 21, 2002
    State of Confusion