Offshoot of the "spouse vs. career" thread...

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by HollowHead, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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    Quite remarkable was the amount of posters who put their spouse second, third and even fourth in their personal hierarchies of importance. Discuss... HH
     
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  2. SleeperSS

    SleeperSS

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    I've been married 43 years..I'd put my wife ahead of everything else...including family. She has supported me even when I've made knucklehead choices.
     
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  3. BradD

    BradD

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    The divorce rate is pretty high. Most likely there are quite a few in the non-divorced camp who aren't happy. That probably puts the number of people who would prioritize other-then-spouse at 2/3 to 3/4 of people.
     
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  4. cheygriz

    cheygriz God Bless Trump

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    Because far too many folks today do not take solemn vows seriously.
     
  5. light-switch

    light-switch Back to work...

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    If your relationship with your spouse is based merely in man, it is just a contract between two sinners. Contracts don't go very far amongst sinners...

    If it is a solemn vow before your deity - whom you completely trust, deeply love, and absolutely fear - then it's a completely different matter altogether.

    Marriages ARE incredibly difficult, even with the best of spouses. Going into it without anything else other than trust in the legal system makes the odds overwhelmingly against your favor.

    Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
     
  6. Baba Louie

    Baba Louie

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    Did Ma and Pa have a good, tight loving relationship as you grew up?

    Were ya wise enough to get a GOOD partner or just one who you could, you know, tolerate once you learned the day to day?

    Got a job or a career/profession?

    Either one of you got snakes in your head whithpering commanth to you... and you lithen? (biblical reference here... sorry if that offends...muahahaha)

    Would/will she/he/it "Red Flag" you?

    Are you fun and a positive force to be around?

    Are you a quitter?

    Do you have "The Faith"?
     
  7. OGW

    OGW SAF

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    My WAG is that some don't feel they are #1 in their spouse's priorities.
     
  8. GlockFan7

    GlockFan7

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    If I wake up tomorrow, with absolutely no feelings for my wife. I made a promise and my promises are unconditional. I would still treat her with the same care and consideration that I always have. I've read all sorts of reports and statistics on failed marriages. The problem with those statistics is there is not one documented case of a failed marriage. In every single incident, it was the people that failed to live up to the marriage. My wife and I were discussing the idea of a perfect marriage. She said there's no such thing. I responded by telling her that we've survived better and worse, richer and poorer(and back), sickness and health. We've experienced the deaths of loved ones and the birth of our children. I've made mistakes that could have cost our marriage and so has she, but we have survived and we're still happy together. Now THAT is a perfect marriage and that's why she IS first.
     
  9. nerr

    nerr

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    The legal part protects kids and puts at least a financial speed bump in the divorce process. Scary part now is that kids are deciding not to bother getting married at all. So there's no formal commitment. When the fun and games are over, there's no formal impediment to leaving.
     
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  10. Darkangel1846

    Darkangel1846

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    I have always found it funny that atheist equal rights women want to get married in a church, and want the standard wedding vows. Vows that they never plan to keep. Now my Ex was just like that, I said we should just go to the court house and the vows should be "We take each other as is!" Every women I have ever talked marriage to hated that, except my current live in love for the last 20+ years. If and when we marry that's what we're gonna do. We also have separate bank accounts and retirement, we never argue about money!
     
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  11. GeneCC

    GeneCC

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    Ya dance with the one that brung ya.
    When you get married don’t stop dating your wife. If you have start it again. Always get her door. Always wait for her. Maybe complement occasionally. Take a picture once in a while when she’s not looking and post it with something positive to say.

    bet it changes your marriage

    married 20. Together 25.
     
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  12. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

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    The problem with this line of thinking is that you're making assumptions about people you have never met or have personally interacted with. HH
     
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  13. Dave514

    Dave514

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    Married 22 years. Never even considered divorce. Didn't need magic god words to make or keep that commitment. YMMV
     
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  14. Dave514

    Dave514

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    HollowHead likes this.
  15. AK_Stick

    AK_Stick AAAMAD

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    What’s scary about that?
     
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  16. M2 Carbine

    M2 Carbine

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    Once, when I was telling my Wife about the hot looking, nice smelling Woman I was flying around the Gulf of Mexico the week before,
    my Wife asked me, how come I never gave into "temptation?

    I told Her, "Why should I want lunch meat, when I have Filet Mignon at home."
     
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  17. Haldor

    Haldor Formerly retired EE.

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    Probably TMI, but to be honest it feels good to get this out.

    My 1st married me for a meal ticket
    She jumped ship for a bigger meal ticket. Biggest gift she ever gave me was leaving.

    Second one was genuine, but had some mental issues. She was on serious antidepressants the entire time I knew her. One of the listed side effects of the drugs she was on is a depressed libido and I misunderstood what that meant. She didn't want it any less, she just was unable to be satisfied.

    After 30 years of never being able to satisfy her (and believe me I tried), I finally just accepted her view that it was all my fault and that I was terrible at it. At that point I said no more, just leave me out of it.

    Within a few months she had a boyfriend. She wasn't very good at keeping it a secret (thank God), and we divorced.

    Ultimately I realized she had done me a favor. I didn't have to be my like my dad who ended up living out his life with someone he didn't like.

    I am now in a relationship with someone who is normal and I can satisfy. She appreciates the graduate degree program in satisfying a woman I completed while I was married to the ex. She also helped me to understand what happened in my 2nd marriage. She is a wonderfully responsive woman sexually, but she had a short course of antidepressants while quitting smoking. She found out 1st hand what the "depressed libido" stuff was all about. Basically nothing worked for her anymore. Stopped the antidepressants and normal function came back.

    I learned recently that the ex's boyfriend didn't work any better for her than I did. It is small of me, but learning that made me feel better. If any of you are in a relationship with someone on antidepressants understand what this can mean for your sexual life. Perhaps if we had found something that worked better my 2nd marriage might have been saved. Perhaps not, nothing in my ex's life was ever her fault which gets wearing for the people around you.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  18. Haldor

    Haldor Formerly retired EE.

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    My second marriage in a nut shell. Sometimes it really is about the nail and no amount of concern or support, or listening will change that. And oh boy was I the bad guy if I even hinted she might have a problem. Odd, how consideration and listening seems to be a one way street and that is supposed to be ok, cause we men just want to "fix" things. Damn right we do.


    View: https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s

    Too funny, this is the link that got embedded first. It also does a decent job of explaining my 2nd marriage, except I think I must be the dwarf.

     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  19. Qman2

    Qman2

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    Just passed 35 years with my wife. If not for her I'd have nothing else nor would anything else matter. Personal happiness comes first for me
     
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  20. light-switch

    light-switch Back to work...

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    Even though I have certainly not interacted with ALL humans, I rest assured that no matter how good the best amongst us is, I can still be sure no human is perfect: not perfectly kind, self-giving, patient, etc.