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Official one liner thread....target: 1000 one liners

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by RavenBlade, Jul 2, 2004.

  1. RavenBlade

    RavenBlade

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    what's the similarity between the star ship enterprise and toilet paper?

    they both circle uranus searching for klingons!

    ;z
     
  2. yashua-p

    yashua-p

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    "I think that if you ever find yourself, you're going to be dissapointed. " Jackie Leonard.
     

  3. yashua-p

    yashua-p

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    The cows may come and the cows may go but the bull around here goes on forever.
     
  4. RavenBlade

    RavenBlade

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    my sister is so ugly we had to hang a pork chop around her neck to get the dog toplay with her
     
  5. joegerardi

    joegerardi Lifetime Member Millennium Member

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    I was so unpopular as a kid, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

    ..Joe
     
  6. Wicked96SS

    Wicked96SS Typical Gun Nut Millennium Member

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    If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
     
  7. glock_owner

    glock_owner

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    I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I hate to interrupt her.
     
  8. 10hasteeth

    10hasteeth

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    OPINIONS ARE LIKE A**HOLES.everybody has one.
     
  9. 10hasteeth

    10hasteeth

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    I like some of that wise elder statesan ted kennedy's one liners.
    1)er, ah (Rush's favorite)
    2)my car has killed more people than most peoples guns.(what, I've got that backwards? Never mind give me a drink and a dumb blonde and I'll forget what you said about me.)
    3) I categorically deny that I drink. (I slurp)
    4) No my nose doesn't like a chronic alcoholic's. It's a tribute to W.C. Fields.
     
  10. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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    I've been up and down more times than a tart's knickers.
     
  11. [TAMU]-06

    [TAMU]-06

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    Ya but what happens when you don't have one.


    Yer full of ****.
     
  12. Bannack

    Bannack

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    I'm going nucking futs
     
  13. BobRicks

    BobRicks

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    Well cut my legs off and call me shorty.
     
  14. SCmasterblaster

    SCmasterblaster G17 carrier since 1989 Millennium Member

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    I'm more tired than a pair of jumper cables at a State of Mississippi car auction!
     
  15. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

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    If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
     
  16. riddleofsteel

    riddleofsteel Pulpa est valeo

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    Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
     
  17. RavenBlade

    RavenBlade

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    Of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most.
     
  18. RavenBlade

    RavenBlade

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    i may be drunk, but you madam are ugly. i will be sober in the morning.....
     
  19. BLAZE

    BLAZE

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  20. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

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    Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said,
    Implants?" She hit me.

    I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

    I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

    I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
    elected.

    I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

    Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
    will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
    > clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

    When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
    dunk."

    Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

    Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

    If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
    with something called LABOR!

    Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
    cells live forever.

    Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

    Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a
    teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier."