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Newspaper headlines in the year 2035.

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by dhoomonyou, Nov 25, 2002.

  1. dhoomonyou

    dhoomonyou

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    florida
    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
    seventh
    largest country in the world, California.

    White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
    California's
    third language.

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops
    &
    livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

    Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6
    million.

    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
    Territory of
    the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,
    and
    Lebanon).

    Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at
    least ten
    more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
    imported
    legally,
    but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and
    reduces
    mail
    delivery to Wednesday only.

    35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
    civil rights.

    Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
    Windows so it
    crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
    fly
    swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by
    January 2036.

    Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political
    contributions to
    campaign accounts.

    Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
    congressman.

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%