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New Corporate Cost-Cutting Policies

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 2, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to
    the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual. Effective
    Monday the following revised procedures apply:

    Lodging

    All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends
    while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such
    as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus
    terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter
    in periods of inclement weather.

    Transportation

    Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial
    transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all
    employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus
    transportation will be used only when work schedules require such
    travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme
    circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if
    a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be
    obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
    substituted for travel to Seattle.

    Meals

    Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It
    should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such
    as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition Centers, Costco, Sams
    stores etc. often provide free samples of promotional items.
    Entire meals can be obtained in this manner.

    Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries,
    and other protein sources available at their destinations. If
    restaurants must be utilized, travelers should use "all you can
    eat" salad bars. This is especially effective for employees
    traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire
    group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on
    business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can be
    consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother of heating
    or costly preparation.

    Miscellaneous

    All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in
    effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has
    already suggested that money could be raised during airport
    layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In
    support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees
    prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping
    others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point
    pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be
    made as time permits.