need some Lawyer jokes...

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by canis latrans, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. CrashFF00

    CrashFF00

    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    68
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2020
    Location:
    Vancouver, WA
    I work in a law firm - 15 attorneys (2 former judges) it's a joke all by itself.
     
  2. IamtheNRA

    IamtheNRA

    Messages:
    10,756
    Likes Received:
    16,502
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Location:
    Tampa, FL USA
    Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

    Professional courtesy.
     

  3. Borg Warner

    Borg Warner

    Messages:
    15,090
    Likes Received:
    33,643
    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2017
    Location:
    Northeastern Washington
    Q: What do you call 10,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

    A: A good start.
     
  4. Critch

    Critch

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    5,037
    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2007
    Location:
    SwampEast, MO
    One of our local judges used to call me for new lawyer jokes.
     
  5. rotorhead1026

    rotorhead1026

    Messages:
    542
    Likes Received:
    819
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2019
    Fair enough, but isn’t he supposed to help YOU out? :D
     
  6. rotorhead1026

    rotorhead1026

    Messages:
    542
    Likes Received:
    819
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2019
    Will do, counselor. :)


    A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man's curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn't seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting items. The man found himself strangely interested in a rather ugly brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. Ugly it was, but he had never seen anything like it -- it was so incredibly detailed, and life-like. He asked the shopkeeper for a price.
    The man was pleased to learn that he could acquire the rat for only $5, and he handed the shopkeeper the money. But, before giving the man the rat, the shopkeeper sternly warned him, "This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won't take it back under any circumstances."
    The man thought the warning was curious, given that the rat only cost $5. Even if he decided he hated the rat, that was hardly an amount worth worrying about. He agreed to the shopkeeper's terms, and left with the rat.
    At first, everything seemed perfectly normal. But as he walked back toward his car, the man started to hear strange rustling noises around him. Then he saw a life rat scurry out of an alley, and start to follow him. Suddenly, rats seemed to be appearing all around him, streaming out of sewers and dumpsters, all following him and milling about his feet.
    The man began to run, but the rats kept up in increasing numbers. The man realized that he was being chased by literally tens of thousands of rats. The ground came alive, as the rats swarmed behind him.
    The man suddenly realized the significance of the shopkeeper's warning, and knew what he had to do. He turned toward the bay, and ran as quickly as he could toward the water. When he reached the waterfront, he threw the brass rat as far as he could into the bay. The rats raced past him, following the brass rat into the water, where they drowned.
    The man returned to the curio shop, and upon seeing him enter the shopkeeper shouted, "I told you, no refunds. I don't want trouble here. The sale was final, and you can't return the merchandise."
    The man smiled, and replied, "Oh, I don't want to return the rat. I just want to know -- do you have a brass lawyer in stock?"
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2020
    mike from st pe and pgg00 like this.
  7. OGW

    OGW SAF

    Messages:
    10,614
    Likes Received:
    19,590
    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    N.W. Lower Michigan
    The whole world hates a smartass.....
     
    rotorhead1026 likes this.
  8. rotorhead1026

    rotorhead1026

    Messages:
    542
    Likes Received:
    819
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2019
    My life hath proven you wrong, friend. ;)
     
    OGW likes this.
  9. nam02G

    nam02G First throwing ax bullseye.

    Messages:
    2,150
    Likes Received:
    1,769
    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2002
    Location:
    Vancouver USA
    A lawyer needed some plumbing work done. So he called a local plumber and scheduled the work. The plumber showed up at the appointed time and did the work. When he presented the bill to the lawyer the lawyer was flabbergasted by how much it was. He said, "I don't make this much an hour and I'm a lawyer!"
    The plumber replied, "I know, I didn't make that much when I was a lawyer either."
     
    mike from st pe and Spats McGee like this.
  10. VIS07

    VIS07 In Omnia Paratus.

    Messages:
    772
    Likes Received:
    1,360
    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2018
    What do you have with 10000 lawyers buried under the sea? A good start!
     
  11. DAKA

    DAKA

    Messages:
    9,077
    Likes Received:
    12,282
    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Location:
    DELETED but SOUTH
    I thought this was first a Hillary joke, about a guy on a bench at the White house asking to see President Hillary Clinton....
     
    rotorhead1026 and nursetim like this.
  12. ThePhoneGuy

    ThePhoneGuy

    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    27
    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2009
    Location:
    8,500 ft in Colorado
    What is the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?



    The rooster clucks defiance.........