need some Lawyer jokes...

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by canis latrans, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. canis latrans

    canis latrans

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  2. nursetim

    nursetim

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    What is the best thing about lawyer jokes? They’re funny AND they are actionable.
     

  3. Glock45Lover

    Glock45Lover

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    Definition of a "crying shame:" Bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff and 1 seat is empty.
     
  4. mmcbeat

    mmcbeat

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    A lawyer and a doctor were making small talk at a social function.

    Doctor: Tell me, do people ask for your advice at functions such as this?

    Lawyer: All the time.

    Doctor: What do you do?

    Lawyer: I answer their questions then send them a bill in the mail.

    Three days later the doctor received a bill in the mail from the lawyer.
     
  5. JHCJR

    JHCJR

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    What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of a lake?












    A good start.
     
  6. jmohme

    jmohme

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    Question: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of horse crap?

    Answer: The bucket.
     
  7. Ramjet38

    Ramjet38 Mentally Frozen

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    Two lawyers go to confession....no, that can't be right.
     
  8. sharpshooter

    sharpshooter Member Millennium Member

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    Difference between a lawyer and a carp? One is a scum sucking slimy bottom dweller, and the other one is a type of fish.
     
  9. rayzer007

    rayzer007

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    Oldie but goodie: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying - his lips are moving.
     
  10. Glock45Lover

    Glock45Lover

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    Why won't a snake bite a lawyer?

    Professional courtesy.
     
  11. quantico

    quantico 1911 lover Millennium Member

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    Whats black and brown and looks good on a laywer ???

    A doberman
     
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  12. peng

    peng

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    Why did the lawyer cancel the leper's hockey game?

    There was a face off.

    Sorry, I like leper jokes.
     
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  13. OGW

    OGW SAF

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    I love lawyer jokes as much as anyone, but the attorney I use is a credit to his profession. He's a stand up, honest guy doing his best to help you out.
     
  14. canis latrans

    canis latrans

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    I hear you.

    my favorite lawyer is my daughter...but I still feel a need to "needle" her a little....
     
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  15. ReaPer105

    ReaPer105

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    Two lawyers were stranded on a desert island for a month. One day a beautiful woman floated up to their island on a small raft. She was unconscious but alive.
    One of the lawyers asked “should we screw her?”
    The other lawyer asked “outta what?”
     
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  16. quantico

    quantico 1911 lover Millennium Member

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    Anomalous: standing out of the ordinary...
     
  17. Pima Pants

    Pima Pants Urine Idiot

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    What happens when you give Viagra to a lawyer? He gets taller.
     
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  18. Trench Sweeper

    Trench Sweeper On the day of your birth death began stalking you

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    That's funnier than judging a hoky poky contest at s leper community.
     
  19. mmcbeat

    mmcbeat

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    There was a corporate attorney where I used to work. This lawyer, among other things came to meetings and talked to us about affirmative action, contracts, etc. Great guy and he always opened his presentation with a lawyer joke.
     
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  20. jmohme

    jmohme

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    And?...............
    We're waiting!
     
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