My Retirement Plan

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jul 22, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    My Retirement Plan
    > Recently I was checking my RRSP account and thinking about retirement,
    > as everyone does when they hit 50. >I saw an article about Nursing and
    > Retirement Homes and the expenses.
    > Then it hit me; here is my plan...No nursing home for me! I'm checking
    > into the Holiday Inn. With the average cost for a nursing home reaching
    > $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I
    > have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined
    > long-term stay discount and senior discount, its $49.23 per night.
    > That lea! ves $138.77 a day for:
    > 1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room
    > service. 2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
    > Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer,
    > dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free
    > shampoo and soap.
    > They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a
    > day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is a city
    > bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also
    > pick you up if you fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on
    > Sundays.
    > For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of
    > the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.
    > Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into
    > decent nursing homes.
    > Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And yo! u are not stuck in
    > one place forever, you can move from Inn t o Inn, or even from city to
    > city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.
    > TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No
    > problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
    > The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
    > checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an
    > ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, medicare will pay for the hip,
    > and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
    > And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
    > visit you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The
    > relatives can use the pool. What more can you ask for? So, when I reach
    > the golden age I'll face it with a grin.
    > Just forward all my emails to the Holiday Inn!"
    > Upon telling this story at lunch with friends, we came up with even
    > more benefits th! e Holiday Inn provides to retirees:
    > Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, reclining chairs, and satellite
    > TV---- all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good
    > nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take
    > a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic
    > people every day.
    > Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often
    > they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program. You can
    > invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you.
    > Just tell them not to bring more than three friends. (Not for me,
    > though.)
    > Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep
    > you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish
    > about unfamiliar surroundings, in a Holiday Inn you'll always feel at
    > home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the sam! e.
    > And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old day s, you
    > never have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key
    > fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty
    > 24/7.
    > >