close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

"Murphy's Laws"

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockdude1, Feb 11, 2007.

  1. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Messages:
    25,644
    Likes Received:
    4,742
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    "Murphy's Laws"

    1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
    bright until you hear them speak.

    2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

    3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

    4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

    5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

    7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
    something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

    9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world
    end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

    10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

    11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

    12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
    and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

    13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

    14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

    15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
    twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    :supergrin: :tongueout:
     
  2. FDC

    FDC

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    0

  3. FDC

    FDC

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    0
    [​IMG]

    Mark Baker has some awesome stuff. His books are WELL worth it. Especially if you've hung out in the military or around Fort Bragg.:supergrin:
     
  4. ReyFufuRulesAll

    ReyFufuRulesAll Pantless Wonder

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    3,066
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Crappleton, Wisconsin
    The eagle may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet turbines.
     
  5. Glockdude1

    Glockdude1 Federal Member CLM

    Joined:
    May 24, 2000
    Messages:
    25,644
    Likes Received:
    4,742
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
  6. ReyFufuRulesAll

    ReyFufuRulesAll Pantless Wonder

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    3,066
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Crappleton, Wisconsin
    If everything seems to be coming your way all at once, you may be in the wrong lane.
     
  7. Navy HMC

    Navy HMC

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Messages:
    1,138
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Piped ashore
    Murphy was an optomist!!!

    Whatever can go wrong will-at the most inopportune of times!

    You can make things fool proof, but not "Damn-Fool Proof"

    No matter what lane you in, the other lane will always move faster. Changing lanes will only make the new lane slower. Keep changing lanes will only piss off everyone.

    And my favorite:

    No matter what, constants aren't and variables won't.
     
  8. DriBak

    DriBak GUNS UP Millennium Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 1999
    Messages:
    5,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Texas
  9. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,111
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    A device is fool proof only for the fool that invented it! :supergrin:

    I can see clearly now that Murphy was an optometrist. ;) :tongueout:

    "If you attack is going well, you're running into an ambush!"
     
  10. eddief4

    eddief4

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    20,608
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Fort Myers, Florida
  11. DeadMansLife

    DeadMansLife Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2000
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Carlisle, PA
    If you quit fool-proofing the world, the world will quit making better fools!:treadmill:
     
  12. svo

    svo

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2005
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay City, Mi
    Any tool dropped while working on a car will roll underneath to the exact geographical center.

    A 300 dollar picture tube will blow in order to protect a 10 cent fuse.

    Any broken device, when demonstrated for the repairman, will work perfectly.

    When you receive a precision component with a 99.9% operational rate, yours will be from the .1%.

    The odds that a buttered piece of bread will fall "face up" is inversely proportional to the cost of the carpet.

    The odds of the bathroom being occupied is directly proportional to your need to use it.
     
  13. Cpl D PSP

    Cpl D PSP

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2003
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Friendly fire isn't.

    If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    Murphy was a grunt.