1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
# The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus
Sent by DaRk_jAcKaL
# If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly.
# Non Crash Operating System aren't.
# The worst bugs in your program will show up only during the final review.
The last three laws were sent by Kiran
# The people who say that computers are simple to use are the same people who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is.
Sent by Jack Betz
# Philington's First Law
If it works, it's production. If it doesn't, it's a test.
# Philington's Second Law
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
The last two laws were sent by Philip Partington
# Format C: fixes all
Sent by Ron Westby
# Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics
# Law of Recycling
A computer that has been on the market for 6 weeks is still usable as a boat anchor.
# Law of Anti-security
The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old.
# Law of Acceleration
A computer that has surpassed its user's frustration capacity (FC) will accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second squared.
The last four laws were sent by Timothy Boilard
# Computers let you waste time efficiently
Sent by Jim F.
# Make a system even a moron can use and a moron will use it.
# Make one that requires training or intelligence and only a moron will use it, but there will be more help desk calls.
Sent by S. Bussell
# The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the amount of time remaining before the deadline.
# You will always discover errors in your work after you have printed/submitted it.
The last two laws were sent by Niels Hageman
# 90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
Sent by Emanuel
# 'Illegal Error' messages only happen when you forget to save your work
Sent by Abdul Mohsin
# If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then you print it out, you'll have everything on the first page and only one line on the second.
Sent by Nadine
# the OEM did not actually manufacture the part you need to replace
Sent by Bryan Lord
# By the time you learn your new computer you'll need a new one.
Sent by romanaround
# After a software is released, the first bug found will be by a person who normally does not use that portion of the program but was wondering why he can't do something he normally would not do.
Sent by Rick G.
# When the Downloading Window says "99%complete", there will be a fluctuation in the voltage and you'll have to start all over again.
Sent by Sagar Kalantre
# Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one that believe in Windows' stability. Even human stupidity has limits ;-)
Sent by Sylvain Galibert
# The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except yours.
Sent by Jesse Janowiak
# Plugins Law
Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to find out which one can make your software work, you either haven't gotten the right one, or have accidentally skipped the right one or it has become the last one installed.
Sent by Laudney Ren
# No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always Microsoft's fault
Corollary: If its not their fault - Blame them anyway
Sent by Andrei Keren
# You will get disconnected from the Internet or experience a computer crash when you are downloading. If you don't experience one within 80% completion, then it will happen at 99%. If you do manage to get the file, then it will turn out to be completely useless and/or invalid.
Sent by Hyung Jin Lee
# You'll always receive an e-mail from a web site that you never visit before.
# 75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any version).
The last two laws were sent by Christian C
# Auto Correct - isn't
# Microsoft excel- doesn't
the last two laws were sent by Alegna
# If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart.
# The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not always work.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown will fail most frequently when you run the risk of being caught doing something.
Corollaries were sent by Stravag
# No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you'll need to double it in a year.
the last three laws were sent by Pliaskos
# Complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance person has left.
Sent by Jan Wenall
# A virus will be erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless for antivirus program to fix it.
Sent by mitch
# The problem always exists between one keyboard and it's respective chair.
(On submission problem was insomnia... zzzzzz)
Sent by Cpt_Anderson
# A program that compile on the first run has an error in the algorithm
Sent by Iavor Dimitrov
# Edward V. Berard Law
Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as both are frozen.
Sent by Andre Van Dun
# The smaller the size of your email account, the more junk mail you will get
# The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open an adult link
# The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come by
The last three laws were sent by Mark
# A computer is only as smart as the person using it
# If it ain't broke, Overclock it!
The last two laws were sent by Michael Horvath
# If you're in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will become corrupted, or your files will be erased. Any way, you're screwed if you have a deadline.
Sent by Logan
# Software Reliability:
Investment in software reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors.
Sent by Bill Pramik
# Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to a person and can't receive such a return favor (due to management rules).
# Computer masochism: When a computer takes all the abuse you think you can give it and continues working as it should.
# The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case is a warning that you are trying to do too much with too little.
# The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of the cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of use it sees.
# Antivirus systems only effectively work on a virus after given virus has passed its prime.
# The most frightening of viruses is the virus you do not know is already there.
The last six laws were sent by Stravag
# The amount of damage that a string of code can do is inversely proportional to the length of the string
Sent by Kit Balmer
# You only receive instant messaging, when working on a project that's due instantly
Sent by Keith
# When designing a program to handle all possible dumb errors, nature creates a dumber user
Sent by Rich Spejcher