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Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jul 17, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
    door went nuts.

    If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
    that considered a hostage situation?

    If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

    If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

    After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting
    OUT of the water?

    Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

    If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

    Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

    Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the
    Special Olympics?

    When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a
    woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

    If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

    Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

    Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people
    appear bright until you hear them speak?

    How come abbreviated is such a long word?

    If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice
    as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

    Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw
    hamburgers?

    Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?
    Shouldn't they be called builts?

    Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
    When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near
    miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

    Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

    Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in
    charge of everything outdoors?

    If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

    Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is
    open, it's not a door?

    Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe
    you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

    How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always
    ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

    If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of
    progress?

    Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients,
    but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

    Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

    Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
    suitcase?

    What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

    If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
    monkeys and apes?

    Do married people live longer than single people, or does it
    just SEEM longer?

    I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
    self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
    purpose.

    If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are
    they all still working?

    Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

    War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left
     
  2. Garfield_1969

    Garfield_1969

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    Nov 29, 2002
    Location:
    The Netherlands, Europe
    Great start of my working day !
     

  3. anonymous6237

    anonymous6237 Rent This Space

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    here's a few more


    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

    Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

    If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

    You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

    Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

    If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

    Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

    Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    Why do light switches say on/off? When it's on you can see it's on, when it's off you can't see to read.

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    How do you know it's an ENDLESS LOOP?

    Why is FOOTball played by hand?
     
  4. Shag633

    Shag633

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    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2002
    Location:
    Federal Way, WA
    Only in America. ;)
     
  5. anonymous6237

    anonymous6237 Rent This Space

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    Jun 11, 2003
    i'm in america


    i dont care about those other countries