close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

MERIT - DEMERIT GUIDE FOR MEN the women's point system at last explained

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Mar 3, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

    Messages:
    9,510
    Likes Received:
    1,690
    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Location:
    Virginia
    For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
    with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand
    just how it works.

    Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
    happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes
    and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she
    expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Here is a guide to the points system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES
    You make the bed.....+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.. ....0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
    You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2
    You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings......+5
    In the snow .....+8
    But return with beer.....-5
    And no liners.....-25
    You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
    You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
    It's her cat.....-40

    AT THE PARTY
    You stay by her side the entire party.....0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
    College drinking buddy.....-2
    Named Tiffany.....-4
    Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
    With breast implants.....-18

    HER BIRTHDAY
    You remember her birthday.....0
    You buy a card and flowers.....0
    You take her out to dinner.....0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
    It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
    colors of your favorite team.....-10


    A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
    Go with a pal.....0
    The pal is happily married.....+1
    The pal is single.....-7
    He drives a Ferrari.....-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

    A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
    You take her to a movie.....+2
    You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
    You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
    You take her to a movie you like.....-2
    It's called Death Cop III.....-3
    Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

    YOUR PHYSIQUE
    You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
    You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
    it.....+10
    You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
    baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

    THE BIG QUESTION
    She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
    You hesitate in responding.....-10
    You reply, "Where?".....-35
    You reply, "No, I think it's your ***".....-100
    Any other response.....-20

    COMMUNICATION
    When she wants to talk about a problem:
    You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
    You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
    You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
    You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what
    do you think I should do?".....-100
    You have fallen asleep.....-200

    IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
    You talk.....-100
    You don't talk.....-150
    You spend time with her......-200
    You don't spend time with her.....-500
    You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000

    GAME OVER... YOU LOSE!