Men's Thesaurus

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Nowhere Man, Jun 14, 2005.

  1. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man

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    Subject: MEN'S THESAURUS


    > > MEN'S THESAURUS
    >> "I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink
    >> myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream
    >> with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in
    >> complete safety."
    >>
    >> "IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational
    >> thought pattern connected with it, and you have no
    >> chance at all of making it logical."
    >>
    >> "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't dinner
    >> already on the table?"
    >>
    >> "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." Means:
    >> Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
    >>
    >> "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have
    >> no idea how it works."
    >>
    >> "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE
    >> THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that
    >> redhead over there is wearing a bra."
    >>
    >> "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
    >> Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
    >> cleaner."
    >>
    >> "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still
    >> talking?"
    >>
    >> "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember
    >> the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the
    >> first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle
    >> identification numbers of every car I've ever owned,
    >> but I forgot your birthday."
    >>
    >> "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE
    >> ROSES." Means: "The girl selling them on the corner
    >> was a real babe."
    >>
    >> "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG
    >> DEAL." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but
    >> will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
    >>
    >> "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
    >> Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good
    >> reasons soon."
    >>
    >> "I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my
    >> outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
    >>
    >> "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you
    >> catch me at?"
    >>
    >> "I HEARD YOU." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue
    >> what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I
    >> can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the
    >> next 3 days yelling at me."
    >>
    >> "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE" Means: "I
    >> am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it
    >> could be worse."
    >>
    >> "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: ""Please don't try on
    >> one more outfit, I'm starving."
    >>
    >> "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means:
    >> "No one will ever see us alive again."