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Mens Theasurus (women, now you know)

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Jay9928, May 1, 2009.

  1. Jay9928

    Jay9928 I laugh at liberals.

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    Location:
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    [FONT=Verdana,Arial]The new Men's Thesaurus - on sale now at your local book stores!:

    "I'M GOING FISHING"
    Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

    IT'S A GUY THING"
    Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

    "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
    Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

    "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
    Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

    "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
    Means: "I have no idea how it works."

    "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
    Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

    "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
    Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

    "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
    Means: "Are you still talking?"

    "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
    Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

    "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
    Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

    "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
    Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

    "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
    Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

    "I CAN'T FIND IT."
    Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
    clueless."

    "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Means: "What did you catch me at?"

    "I HEARD YOU."
    "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

    "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
    Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

    "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
    Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

    "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
    Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

    "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
    Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
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  2. scottlang

    scottlang Millennium Member

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    Truth hurts, but it is still the truth.