Memo from Santa

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Nov 24, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
    serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, Virginia, North and
    South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio on Christmas Eve.

    Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
    renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of
    the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and
    cookies so keep that in mind.

    However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
    your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
    His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
    delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few
    differences between us.

    Differences such as:

    1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
    Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
    "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

    2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
    an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba
    doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty
    spit can handy.

    3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
    instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
    reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

    4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..."
    when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
    Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

    5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely
    to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

    6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
    Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

    7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
    and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
    area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
    the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
    state patrol cars crashing into each other.

    And Finally,

    8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure
    you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
    presents under the tree.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Santa Claus
  2. 218

    218 Glock 'n Roll

    Likes Received:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Metro-Boston, Massachusetts
    lol, classic. Very good! ;f ;f

  3. scooterbear


    Likes Received:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Summit, MS