Medical Insurance FAQ

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by freepatriot, May 25, 2004.

  1. freepatriot

    freepatriot Retired GT Mod Moderator

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    Aug 8, 2002
    South FL
    Q. What does HMO stand for?
    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

    Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see but are no longer participating in the plan.. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
    A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

    Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
    A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment

    Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
    A. Poke yourself in the eye.

    Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
    A. You really shouldn't do that.

    Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
    A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, what's the harm in letting him take a shot at it?

    Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
    A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.