Medical Funnies

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, Apr 29, 2003.

  1. scooterbear


    Likes Received:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Summit, MS
    Don't know if these are real, but they're funny....

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
    the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
    and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
    several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

    . . . Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
    slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
    instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.

    . . . Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
    husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
    minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
    died of a "massive internal fart.

    . . . Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
    I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
    right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
    left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
    silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
    discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
    there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the

    . . Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
    informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
    medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
    on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
    it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
    see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
    instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

    . . . Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
    have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
    answered, "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."

    . . . Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast
    this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
    seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see
    the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

    . . . Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
    female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
    formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he
    was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
    embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
    sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
    whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."