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math and other stuff

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by AndABeer, Nov 6, 2002.

  1. AndABeer

    AndABeer Proud pappy

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    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2000
    Location:
    Lakeland, TN
    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATH
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
    need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    A woman worries about the future until she gets a
    husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a
    wife.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his
    wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    HAPPINESS
    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
    and love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
    not try to understand her at all.

    LONGEVITY
    Married men live longer than single men do, but
    married men are a lot more willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
    doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
    and she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
    new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
    MARRIED
    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
    in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
    They stopped after I started doing the same thing to
    them at funerals.